Tears began falling down my cheeks as friends we have loved for three decades began to share their agonizing story with us. There had been a secret struggle so deep and filled with so much shame that it was impossible to speak, let alone admit to out loud—a struggle that had gone on for years. But, because of our long and trusted friendship, they wanted to tell us. The secret was discovered and now a marriage is hanging in the balance. In a blink, they are living in the pig pen.
Brokenheartedly processing what our ears heard but our spirits could not reconcile, God’s Spirit supernaturally filled us with love and compassion for these struggling friends. I imagined in that moment, Jesus being “moved with compassion” when He looked at my own sin, now a model for my response. Too often when fellow believers end up in the pig pen, we are so quick to judge rather than to pour out grace and love. I had a choice: I could piously beat them over the head with Bible verses about how wrong the behavior is or respond like Jesus—with a heart of compassion—providing a safe place to confess their struggles. It could just as easily be me. All have sinned and fallen short. Sobering.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Life Together says, “The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!”
Unfortunately, many of us aren’t very good with pig pens. Especially when it comes to Christians who “should know better” or who “shouldn’t struggle with unthinkable sins.” As a result, we don’t become the healing place that people need. Thankfully, Jesus didn’t die for people who had it all together. He looked beyond our pig pens. How do we respond when we see people in the dirt of their sins? Are we like the religious Pharisees who thought they were better than everyone else, not having anything to do with people down in the muck of life or jumping to cast stones? It’s a lot easier to extend grace for the unbelievers rolling around in the mud because, after all, it’s their job description to sin, but what about the Christian brother or sister who is struggling and falls?
So often, that’s where we draw our Pharisaical lines, abandoning them in their times of greatest need. First Peter 4:8 says, “Love covers a multitude of sin.” It’s a lot easier to respond harshly and pridefully. It’s been said, “The Christian army is the only army in the world that shoots its wounded.” Oftentimes, we’re so worried about coming across as supporting someone’s sin that we abandon them altogether, failing to love them unconditionally. Galatians 6:1 says, “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself” (Gal. 6:1, NLT). It’s to be done gently because we ourselves can succumb to similar weakness. Martin Luther said, “If any man be overtaken with a fault, do not aggravate his grief, do not scold him, do not condemn him, but lift him up and gently restore his faith.”
How do we do that? It starts with creating safe environments in our Christian circles where we can be honest about own struggles. The body of Christ is to be a place where we can tell the truth about ourselves. James 5:16 says, “Admit your faults to one another, so that you may be healed.” We can only do that in an environment that is safe and doesn’t say “only perfect people here.” My friend told me she had tried several Bible studies yearning for support, but everyone’s lives were “too perfect,” so she left shrouded in only more guilt, shame, and despair. The enemy is having a hay day as people continue to struggle in silence and alone because there’s no safe place to unload their struggles without condemnation. And isolation only leads to more darkness.
I don’t know how the heartache will turn out for my friends, but we will continue to humbly and gently help them on their road back home to the Savior who loves them deeply. Who is God asking you to get down in the mud with? We need to ask ourselves regularly, “Am I a safe place for the struggling?” We are to be Jesus’ arms to wrap those who are overcome with sin in a blanket of God’s grace so they can be lifted up and restored to faith again—no matter how dirty they are.
