What are mealtimes like for you and your family? Is gathering at the table to share food a blessed time, or a chore? Is the fabric of your family woven with time spent together around the kitchen table?
According to a recent study, 84% of parents agreed that family meals were important, but only 50% of family dinners were eaten together. The dynamics of our lifestyles as wives, mothers, and employees have changed greatly. Despite the difficult truth of those statistics, with a little commitment and planning it is still possible to create dinnertime at the table.
Iconic 50’s Leave it to Beaver sitcom mom June Cleaver prepared hearty meals and served them up with such poise, eloquence, and grace. The perfectly ironed dress, fancy high heels, and dainty pearls adorning her neck made her seem so picture perfect. Even her apron was adorable and wrinkle-free!
Please don't try to be her—she doesn’t exist. Don’t be distressed about the family next door or the seemingly perfect mom on Facebook or Instagram. Consider your talents and creativity while devising a plan that best accommodates the dynamics of your own family.
About my Table
A memorable and necessary part of my parenting days was sitting down to share a meal with my family. My children heard the command “Y'all, come to the table,” numerous times while they were growing up, and they were expected to come! My husband and I were intentional in spiritually forming the lives of our children, and one of the best ways that happened was around the table.
I enjoyed meal planning, trying new recipes, and cooking (still do), but never embraced grocery shopping! Succeeding at preparing flavorful, full-course, and nutritious meals was most definitely a work of art! Kid-friendly and economical delicacies from my kitchen included crock pot meals, casseroles, potatoes cooked every way imaginable, and chocolate chip cookies. Oftentimes, I was quite successful at serving with gracelessness. The table was rarely arranged with flowers, fancy dishes, folded napkins, and the proper place settings (tell me which side to place the fork), but that didn’t matter. I floundered often despite my efforts but being together around the table was the goal.
Expectations at the Table
My husband and I taught bowing our heads and giving thanks to God for His provision by example. The kids learned to pray a simple blessing and, as they grew older, were encouraged to say their own words of thankfulness.
Polite manners and proper dining etiquette were high on the list of expectations. Chatter was to be uplifting and respectful.
Watching television during a meal was not allowed, and cell phones were never part of the place setting. Burping and other odd noises were not acceptable. Cleaning plates and helping wash and dry dishes was routine and most often a joint effort.
My husband always said thank you for the meal—even for gourmet (toasted) PB&J. Children learn best by repetition and example.
Honesty at its Finest
We were not, and never pretended to be, a picture-perfect family. Our imperfections were displayed best when company arrived for supper! When the children were younger, mealtime was more like being at the circus! My three little artists, better known as circus performers, were great at ‘clowning around,’ especially when others joined us at the ring (I mean, table) for a meal. But, hey—tickets were free, and our guests had a front row seat. Way to go, kiddos!
Although mealtime was often chaotic, there remained a sense of courtesy, order, love, and fun around our table. The kids learned early on that dining together was a vital time for the well-being of our family.
Bring it to the Table
Having meals together was much easier when the children were younger. The dynamics with work, school, extracurricular activities, and friendships as they grew older complicated the commitment. There were days when we had more than one meal together on a given day, some days there were none, and other days we shared a late-night snack. We always welcomed and served the kids' friends as if they were a part of our family. This was a great way to get to know them!
Dining together reaped many benefits that went beyond nutrition and health. The kitchen table was where we dyed Easter eggs, carved pumpkins, assembled gingerbread houses, blew out candles on birthday cakes, played board games, and completed homework.
Communication is crucial, and our family shared numerous discussions, struggles, and prayers around the table. Encouragement was important when kind words were said, good deeds were done, and goals were accomplished. Correction (not during mealtime) became necessary when mistakes were made, rules were disobeyed, and attitudes were negative.
A Place to Pass on Godly Values
Our local church supported our work and efforts as Christian parents, but my husband and I embraced the responsibility to teach and instill godly principles in and on the hearts of our three precious children. We took Deut. 6:7-9 to heart: “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Studying the Bible together, most often after a meal and around the table was of utmost importance.
American Christian missionary, John C. Brogar said: “In addition to teaching your children throughout the day, you must set aside specific, planned times to worship the Lord and learn His Word together. Conducting family devotions requires planning and diligence if this godly practice is to develop and be maintained in your home.”
You May be Excused
Although the dynamics of my family has changed, the emphasis and importance of meals and time at the table together remains the same. I thoroughly enjoy my family, good food, laughter, and heart-to-heart conversations.
My heart grows three sizes when my children come home and bring their families for a meal—even for unannounced visits. Thank goodness for Sunbeam, Peter Pan, and Smucker’s… and a toaster!
My kitchen table is only a material possession and yes, one day it will disappear. However, the eternal benefits it represents will last… eternally.
Amen and Amen
Family meals provide an opportunity to come together, strengthen ties, and build better relationships. In our over-scheduled lives, being together for a meal is a wonderful way to connect with each other every day, to have meaningful discussions, share laughter, and bond. Be proactive with your family in generating “come to the table” time that best works for your schedules. Set attainable goals ahead of time, as well as desired expectations, and then build and strengthen your tribe with patience, practice, and perseverance.
You will never regret the countless hours spent in creating ‘come to the table time.’ One day, you will look back and realize that, while all the time, energy, and effort to prepare and serve meals was a sacrifice, the benefits were well worth it! So y’all, come to the table!
3 TOOLS FOR CULTIVATING TABLE TIME
An aspiring gardener plans and plants a vegetable garden, cultivating the ground constantly in hopes of a bountiful harvest. Table time also must be cultivated with intention, purpose, and diligent labor. Pray over your ‘garden’ and trust God to provide the harvest. Here are some tips for making your dinner hour more doable.
1. Set some goals.
Considering the ages of those in your family, begin with a few small steps. Share with everyone what you’d like to see happen for dinner during the week. Including family members in the planning will help with setting attainable goals and get everyone excited about being together.
2. Have a plan.
Based on responsibilities, schedules, and commitments, plan three to four meals a week at a time. Choose meals (breakfast, lunch, or dinner) and times that will work best. Time is always a factor, so don’t feel guilty when using the fine china—paper plates!
3. Simplify Your Recipes.
Simple recipe books that use fewer ingredients are both practical and cost-effective in creating healthy delicious meals. An itemized grocery list also helps to lesson your time at the grocery store, especially if you’re shopping with small children.
