What do needy people need? How can you set boundaries when helping need people who want more than you can give?
Jesus tells us in Matt. 22:37-39 that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. That’s what they are pursuing - a Savior who loves perfectly and people who love in the power of the Holy Spirit. Often, their interest in stems from their need to be connected and feel safe. Perhaps they have found themselves in a pattern of seeking, clinging, and being cast off, yet they were created to be in relationships with people so they have an unmet need. They continue seeking relationships, but continually sabotage them by clinging because they fear being abandoned again.
Let’s imagine you are working in a food pantry. At the end of the day a needy woman with four children walks in. All you have left is one bag of food. Do you avoid her or send someone else to give her the bad news? You give her what you have and then point her to other resources. One person or organization is not equipped to meet all of her needs. You also tell her about Jesus and pray for her. By doing so, you have loved her.
Teaching people healthy boundaries begins with showing them that they don’t need to be in crisis for you to interact with them. You can define for them that a friendship is give and take by:
1. Setting and keeping relationship boundaries. An example could be coffee on Saturday morning once a month; be sure to start and end on time.
2. If you run into them unexpectedly, don’t run. Your goal is to teach them by example how to have better relationships. If the conversation begins to focus on her problems, be prepared to remind them that you need them to save that conversation for your Saturday coffee time.
3. Don’t feel sorry for them, that can lead to rescuing them and that isn’t helpful.
4. Encouraging involvement in a church, community, or organization.
Look at needy people through God’s eyes; they are made in His image. Loving them means helping them become more aware of what effect their behaviors are having on others.
Remember each of us only has one bag of groceries, but God in His perfect care didn’t leave us here alone.
By ~ Cathi Adams
