In the summer of 2006, I had moved four hours north of Los Angeles to the coastal town of Monterey, California. A few months prior, the man I was married to served me divorce papers on what was our fifth wedding anniversary. He had met someone new and wanted to start a new life with her. I was shocked. Heartbroken. Devastated.
I did not see it coming.
Even though we got married in a church, God was never the foundation of our marriage. I had issues, he had issues, and together we had issues. Still, I loved him with all of my heart. We fought through some tough times together. He was in many ways a wonderful person and often told me my future was bright and I could achieve anything I put my mind to. It's hard to explain, but in some ways the death of my marriage hit me harder than the death of my father. It's a screwy thing when someone wants to be 'dead' to you but remains fully alive.
In California, there is a mandatory six-month period between when a divorce is filed and its completion. So, there would be six months of waiting, wondering, hoping: will my marriage be saved?
The truth is, I loved him so much that I had made it clear to my husband (who was living with his new girlfriend) that I wanted to make our marriage work. He was adamant he did not. I believe his words to me were: "I do not want you or your God." In my brokenness, I called out to God and He answered me. I felt directed to do many things, one of which was to pray to God to help me forgive. I knew I needed to get out of L.A. - out of the home we shared full of memories and framed pictures of happier times. So, God opened a door of opportunity in Monterey.
I started attending a church called Calvary Chapel Monterey. I sat under the teachings of Pastor Roger Scalice, and one day I asked him if he would meet me for counseling. He agreed and we met somewhat regularly on an open-air patio where I poured my heart out to him - told him everything. But it was one day, and one question that he asked that shook me to my core. He leaned in, and with a very serious and concerned look, asked me: “If he never comes back, are you going to be okay?”
I sat stunned as my brain processed the question. Am I going to be okay? Well, of course I am going to okay! Why did he ask me that?
And then like a flood I saw myself. Flashes of me literally on the ground begging my husband to stay. Begging on the phone for him to change his mind. Begging God to make him change. The pastor could see my utter desperation for my husband to take me back and a dependency on his wanting me again as the only way I would be happy and live a fulfilled life. But I had not seen it - not until that moment and that question. I had put all of my future into a man who walked out on me, and believed without him my life would be bleak, meaningless, and without purpose.
My hope was in him, when it should have been in Him.
I continued to pray fervently for restoration and reconciliation. But it never happened. The day the divorce was final was a hard one. The final nail in the coffin of a drawn-out death. I clung to the hope that God could create beauty from the ashes. I had to believe that one day He would bring a husband into my life that would truly love me and never leave. That He would bless me with children that I had always wanted. That I had a life after divorce.
And guess what? God redeemed my story by writing a new one. He gave me a new husband and children. He gave me beauty for my ashes, and He can do the same for you.
Whatever your situation, if you've been rejected or your life has been in upheaval because of the actions of someone else, keep praying for them! But remember, you have a life to live too. God has a plan and purpose for your life that is not contingent upon anyone else. Yes, people's actions can hurt us—tremendously. But in the end, it is our faith in God and His deep love for us that pulls us out of the pit and gives us a firm place to stand.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland" (Is. 43:18-19 NIV).
You are going to be okay.
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