I have a love/hate relationship with Mother’s Day. On the one hand, being a mom to my three kids has been the most fulfilling and important undertaking I’ve ever been part of. Raising our children, through all the ups and downs of life, to become responsible adults with faith, integrity, and character is my biggest contribution to the world—motherhood should be celebrated! On the other hand, I lost my mom in my early 20’s and she never got to meet my kids. She would have been an amazing grandma—visiting often, spoiling them relentlessly, and helping a lot! When Mother’s Day rolls around every May, I have an underlying sadness for a short while that can’t be willed away. No matter what we do or how we celebrate, at the end of the day I often feel a certain emptiness or void that can’t be filled.
Waiting for an Answer
I have often prayed, “Please Lord, if it’s in Your will, please let me live long enough to meet and know my grandchildren—because my mom never did.” As the kids grew, finished high school, and graduated college, I kept this prayer in my heart, hoping someday for it to be answered with a “yes.” I’d meditate on Phil. 4:6–7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Through many of life’s blessings and trials I’ve come to know and experience God’s peace—it’s always there to protect my heart and mind through my relationship with Christ—no matter what happens in this life.
When I was turning 53, the age my mom was when she died from a ruptured brain aneurysm, I was a little nervous that I wouldn’t live to be older than her. I don’t know why, I was just anxious about it, thinking my feelings would calm down after my birthday. I had been told by a couple doctors that aneurysms weren’t hereditary, but my brother in-law, who’s an MD, said, “Why don’t you get a scan of your head, you’ll feel better!” So, I did.
Well, later in the day after I had an MRI, I received a call from my doctor. She said, “I’m really surprised to tell you this, but they found an aneurysm in your brain, and you need to see a neurologist very soon. It’s not an emergency, but you’ll need to have this fixed within a couple of months.”
I was in total shock! I found out aneurysms can be hereditary after all. I feared going through what my mom did. If this didn’t end well for me, I didn’t want my children to live through grief like I experienced, having their Mother’s Day tainted by loss. My neurologist recommended a much less invasive procedure called a “coiling,” not brain surgery, to correct this. I was very fortunate to have found the aneurysm when I did.
Before I scheduled my procedure, my daughter and son-in-law told us they were expecting their first baby—our first grandchild! I was elated! They were hoping this would give me something to look forward to and help with my fear. I was so grateful for this news, hoping it was the blessing from the Lord I had prayed for.
The Answer Revealed
My family surrounded me with prayer and support before I went in for my “coiling.” The procedure was successful, and five months later Carolyn Grayce was born! When I held her in my arms and looked into her eyes on her first day of life, joy filled my heart to overflowing. My prayer was answered, and I was able to start the amazing adventure of being a grandma. I marveled at how much joy this brought me as I had none of the responsibility, loads of fun, and the wisdom to realize God is in control no matter what happens—everything really is going to be ok.
Since then, Owen and Isabel joined their sister, and Megan and Mackenzie were born to our son and his wife. Holding each one for the first time has been one of the highlights of my life. I’m incredibly blessed to have five grandchildren and am amazed at how God multiplies the love I have for each one; all of them have brought me so much happiness and delight.
Since they’ve been born, Mother’s Day seems to come and go with less distress and much more joy. I still miss my mom, but I’m so thankful I’m able to be Nana and Grandma. I’m also thrilled to experience wonderful times with my three adult children—an experience I didn’t get to have with my mom.
She would have loved being with our kids, but when I really think about it, she kind of saved me and allowed me to have this privilege. If her aneurysm hadn’t ruptured, I would have never thought to get checked out. God brought goodness out of a terrible loss.
This has given me a new perspective about Mother’s Day. Instead of a love/hate relationship with the day, I’ll be focusing on my memories of Mom along with the joy I’m able to experience with my family. This truly is a gift to celebrate each second Sunday of May!
