"You’re nesting.” I remember how often that phrase was used when I was expecting my children. As my husband and I prepared for the big day, we decorated the nursery, bought necessities, and splurged on adorable baby clothes, but nesting takes on many different forms, and preparing our children to go out into the world is absolutely as important as preparing them to come into the world. My oldest is getting ready to leave the nest within the next six months. My husband and I are getting ready for that transition. We are not quite empty nesters, as we have children at home, but we will be in the not-so-distant future. And, although that pulls at my mama heart-strings, it is still an exciting time for all of us. To see my children not just spread their wings, but also soar, is immensely gratifying. And, although there will be some turbulence along the way, we hope we have instilled enough godly principles that will carry them through their lives.
As I reflect on my parenting journey, I think of the many experiences that have molded my children. I can look back on challenging and joyful moments that were life-shaping. Certainly, having a military father deployed to the Middle-East during the War on Terror and the constant travel due to his military service, shaped my children at a young age. Their sense of responsibility and idea of service grew through the example of our family’s service to our great country. Having their grandfather live with ongoing health issues taught them compassion and selflessness. And, all those camping trips full of laughter and fun (and yes, tears and some yelling!), taught them teamwork and a love for nature.
What are some of the life skills to instill in our kids as they leave home?
Prayer (Talking with God)
Learning to lean on God in prayer is one of those skills that cannot be overstated. As my daughters returned to college this fall, I see how much they turn to prayer. They journal their prayers (like the very wise Aibileen in the movie, The Help). I wish I could say that it was my idea, but it was my oldest daughter’s idea to take on this prayer form. Modeling and instilling prayer is not necessarily done formally or informally, it is done day to day, and moment by moment. Also, learning not to “over talk” a solution, but bringing prayer into the solution, and knowing that God hears them, is crucial to their understanding of prayer. “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you" (Jer. 29:12, ESV). Teaching our children that God is always listening is paramount.
Another important part of prayer is teaching our kids how to listen to God's voice. As we help them learn how to be quiet during prayer time and to just listen, if even only for a few minutes, it allows God the opportunity to speak to them. There He instructs, guides, corrects, and truly, shows His great love for them.
Manners
The absolute core of manners and etiquette is kindness. Maralee McKee, in the book, Manners That Matter Most for Moms said, “Etiquette is kindness and love in action.” Knowing how to navigate relationships with siblings, parents, and friends by embracing kindness is one of those foundational principles. That is not to say we teach our children to be walked on or taken advantage of, but rather to embrace the Fruit of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” (Gal. 5: 22-23, ESV). In everyday ways, as they interact with others, these qualities are immensely beneficial. Not just as they interact with each other in our their own families, but as they interact with others as they enter into the world as adults. Kindness and manners are a light in a dark world, which can be a beautiful springboard for sharing Christ.
And, as a family, we have tried to make social etiquette and manners a priority. We did our best to teach social graces: dining skills, conversation skills, and friendship/social skills. Yes, our children burped loudly (the boys still do!), chewed with their mouths open (hopefully not now!), and sometimes still forgot where the salad fork goes (we are all still learning!), but what is important is laying an etiquette foundation.
Hard Work and Kingdom Work
Learning to do chores has life-long benefits. Teaching the value of hard work is certainly a solid biblical concept: “You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you” (Ps. 128: 2). Also, working at being about the Father’s business is certainly a Scriptural concept. “Whatever you do, do heartily, as for the Lord and not for me” (Col. 3:23). We are to be spreading the Gospel with our gifts and talents. Teaching the great importance of this is crucial to being a kingdom worker.
Bible Reading
Modeling personal devotions is what I have found over time to be most effective as my children grow. Having them see me reading my Bible is a powerful influence and example. When they were young, I read to them using age-appropriate Bibles, encouraging them to attend youth groups, and attending church. It's also wonderful to have other godly people in their lives, who are pointing them to the Word. This will help them as they leave the nest and begin to establish patterns and habits of their own.
Laughter and Creating Fun Opportunities
Laughter has thwarted more arguments, more meltdowns, and more tearful moments than I could ever count. “A joyful heart is good medicine…” (Prov. 17:22, ESV). Laughter was a game-changer in our home. Being able to lighten up a little and laugh with, not at, each other has pushed away many dark clouds that tried to creep into our home. Being someone who can laugh, have fun, and be joyful are qualities that will not go unnoticed as leaving the nest approaches and arrives.
Being Flexible
Teaching and modeling how to handle change, embrace change, and adapt to change was knit into the fabric of our home because of my husband’s military service. You don't need to be a military family to understand this. Every family faces this and knows how difficult change can be. The 2020 pandemic has been quite the teaching experience for all of us. It has taught us flexibility, as well as how to handle discouragement and even grief. These are important, yet difficult skills to learn.
Disciplined Tech Lives
Now this may not be the most spiritual principle on the list, but with the tech-saturated society we live in, it has become more and more important. Helping our children see the dangers that exist is our job, regardless of their age. Whether it is kid’s tablets, gaming, social media, or what Youtubers they watch…it all matters. As parents, we need to be aware of the dangerous influence of social media and the internet, and discuss the sin and traps that exist when we instruct our children. These influences are dangerous to their mental health and spiritual well-being, if not kept in check. As they move in with other young adults in an apartment or live by themselves, they will need a firm foundation in this area to see clearly any snares or footholds in their life.
Forgiveness
Saying “I am sorry” was huge for us! It was one of those simple actions that would enable my family to move forward and not stay stuck in anger and frustration. I am certain, “I’m sorry” has been said hundreds of times in my home. Christ models forgiveness perfectly for us, and although we are not capable of His perfect forgiveness, we can follow His example. Hebrews 8:12 says, “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” And as Martin Luther simply put it, “Forgiveness is God’s command.” Teaching forgiveness and what forgiveness looks like Scripturally, is a wonderful, life-long tool that will benefit our kids as they enter the world.
Knowing that God has created our children in His image and for a purpose has always been such a beautiful driving force in our home. My husband and I never lose sight that God has a beautiful purpose and plan for our children’s lives, and they are created by the creator of the world! We can rest in the fact that we are not the driving force in their lives, God is, and Christ is the expert in filling in the gaps where we have fallen short. So, whatever goals you have created or are creating for your family…Well Done! And know that whether nesting, empty-nesting, or everything in between, you don't parent alone─our Father, the Creator Himself, is with us.
