“I wouldn’t want to be a coach’s wife. You would never see your husband. A coach has to work with his team all hours of the day, plus nights and weekends. They constantly encourage the players, help them with their problems, and guide them. They become a second parent for many. A coach’s duty is to teach commitment for the training a victorious athlete must endure. They anguish over injuries and benched players and grieve over those who never compete to their full potential. No, I’d never want to be a coach’s wife.”
As I overheard the conversation concerning the hardships of a coach’s family, I had to agree and even add, “Welcome to my world! That’s what campus ministry is all about.”
As a spiritual coach’s wife for many years, I can speak on this fast-paced, wonderful, and simultaneously chaotic lifestyle. Tim and I have managed to raise children, attend a regular congregation, and lead a somewhat normal (though hectic) lifestyle while ministering on three college campuses. Along the way, many spiritual sons and daughters who continue to serve the Kingdom were added to our family. God has graciously allowed us to see much of the fruit of our years of labor.
From 33 years in the bleachers, I have observed:
1. A good coach loves his team.
My husband, Tim, is a good coach. He pours himself into the student leaders. He spends many hours teaching, counseling, praying, and even provoking them to model Christ in their non-Christian campus environment. “Love is the gift of oneself,” said playwright Jean Anouilh, and nowhere is that love more evident than in the life of a coach.
Likewise, the coach’s wife models faithfulness in her charge of household and family. A good example is the lady of Proverbs 31 whose “husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value” (Prov. 31:11). She gives supportive allegiance to her coach husband. For example, Tim has suicide watch every fall when the sororities pick their sisters. While he watches, I pray. He serves as the hospital chaplain and if I can’t go with him on visits, I pray. When he baptizes someone into Christ, I am there to assist, to embrace, and to pray.
2. A good coach leads his team.
Tim puts forth efforts beyond the minimum. He models energy in his early 50s that impresses the younger crowd. After 19 years at the University of Georgia, we are now older than the parents of the incoming freshmen. As an “old married couple,” we strive to model kindness, fidelity, and a unified purpose for our lives.
Students from good homes miss their families. Students who are not from good homes crave a family atmosphere. I have given our recipes (mostly to male students), hemmed pants, and demonstrated how to thread a sewing machine, cut up a chicken, and freeze vegetables. I’ve typed papers, babysat, and cooked chicken and dumplings for someone needing a touch of “mom.” In small groups, I’ve tried to be the woman who “speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (Prov. 31:26).
3. A good coach learns from his team.
A coach becomes in sync with the team’s weaknesses and strengths. Tim often remarks that the spring missions’ trip to Juarez, Mexico brings forth leadership. Through rigorous schedules, harsh climate, rustic living conditions, and out-of-their-comfort-zone living, the crème de la crème rises to the top and solid characters are produced.
In service, students learn to give, not to receive, but to obey Christ’s commands. I’ve gone on only one of these trips, but it was a life-changing experience. The student leaders who unselfishly served won my admiration. The week of the trip marks my most intensive week of prayer, for I seek to “bring him not harm all the days of (my) life” (Prov. 31:12).
4. A good coach laughs with the team, rejoicing in victories and weeping over losses.
Every year, Tim officiates marriages of couples who have found their mates in our ministry. At Christmas, we get cards with out “spiritual grandchildren’s” pictures on them. On rare occasions, we are called upon to attend a student’s funeral or the funeral of a parent. Even the hardships mold the team and allow each other freedom to be human.
Many times, with my hands in dough or soapy dishwater, a student has confided some innermost dream or fear. It is in these moments that I pray to be clothed with “strength and dignity” so that I “can laugh at the days to come” (Prov. 31:25).
5. A good coach labors for eternity.
Exciting times are on the horizon for campus ministry. Every year, more students go to mission fields from campus ministry than any other source. Tim spends time arming students with Scriptures to help them face the challenges of other cultures, beliefs, and lifestyles. We strive to stay abreast of current events, music, movies, and politics in order to discuss concerns with students we meet. Campus ministers as well as their wives are “on call” for the students 24/7 to listen, pray, teach, challenge, counsel, fellowship, or just “hang out.”
The college years are crucial years. In this short span, life mates and careers are often chosen. These are critical times of forging life patterns in a multicultural, sometimes hostile environment.
The coach calls the plays, but the under-coaches (one of whom is the coach’s wife) carry out his direction. They know by his example that he cares for them. They respect his wisdom, because they’ve seen his scars. They’ve seen him gracefully lose and humbly win.
The friend I overhead still wouldn’t want to be a coach’s wife, but I can’t imagine any other life. Where else can I be on the cutting edge of social, political, and cultural events and have opportunity to shape the future? The rewards come at varying times and seasons, but they do come.
Part of our reward is seeing prom queens become math professors and statisticians. Timid geeks transform into engineering knights with a slide rule tucked in their sword hilt. Introverts bloom; extroverts take on servanthood. The family circle grows larger and still there is room. Students make a first commitment to Christ and are immersed. Others recommit or deepen their childhood faith. The weak become strong; the strong face their vulnerabilities.
I, the coach’s wife, am there for the unfolding of every scene. I am a background player, a supporting cast member, even a chief cook and bottle washer. I wouldn’t trade my position with the Queen of England. I have the best seat in the stadium.
~ By Sheila S. Hudson
