My husband and I recently moved across the country to a new ministry position. Moving into a new culture as a pastor’s wife has been a lot to digest. It got me thinking about other ministry transitions we’ve been through and the lessons I’ve learned.
It hurts and that’s okay!
When I discovered what it meant to serve the Lord and His people, I had no idea how much it would require from me. The process can be draining and even painful. Not all ministry transitions work like a “promotion” in a worldly career. Sometimes God’s servants are forced out, lied out, manipulated out, and worn out! And while we give our all to stay faithful to God’s calling, our hearts can get trampled on in the process. Ministry moves hurt and if you are hurting because of a church trauma - you are not alone!
Even in the best of ministry transitions, there is still pain. Our move didn’t come from any church trauma, just a calling to something new. And yet my heart aches for those I love in our previous church family. I miss them deeply. How does a shepherd move to a different herd? With some pain.
No ministry move is the same.
No two churches are exactly the same. Ministry is designed to always be over our heads so that it doesn’t go to our head! If we “got things down” then we wouldn’t desperately rely on God. Embrace the newness of this church’s dynamics, learn what God has for you, and hold those expectations loosely. Finding your “fit” as a pastor’s wife won’t happen instantaneously. Try not to feel like you have to do something just because you did it previously or because the previous pastor’s wife did it.
Give yourself time.
Understanding the dynamics of the new church and God’s agenda for their needs takes time. We can come in with even the most prayerful hearts and misread the lay of the land. It takes time to see the reality of the situation and be a positive part of any change within that dynamic. Go slow and pray a lot!
Don’t take offense.
I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard “pastor so-and-so always did (or let me do) such and such.” Losing one pastor (and pastor’s wife) and gaining another is quite an adjustment. Pray for wise words in those circumstances. Let the people get to know you and soon enough those comments will fade. Try not to take them personally because they really have nothing to do with you, but everything to do with adjusting to the new work the Lord is doing in their life and church. Paul said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9-10). How will we ever learn to “delight in insults” if we don’t get a few tossed our way now and then?
Use wisdom and discretion in all your new relationships.
A wise pastor’s wife told me that church leadership sometimes draws people who have now found an outlet for their needs to be met or are discovering church as their personal stage. Those of us in leadership are wise to constantly check our own motives for serving. We are also wise to go slowly before we entrust new ministry to the people in the church or trust those who are currently in places of influence.
Don’t go it alone!
While ministry transitions are full of things that demand your attention, don’t forget to give some energy to maintaining a support network. I have a friend who moved. I prayed for her while she adjusted to her new life and now she is praying for me. Her friendship and godly counsel has been a lifeline for me! If there isn’t a pastors’ wife group in your area, pray about starting one - I know I am! I was part of a group back home that was such a blessing.
The Lord’s blessings to you as you seek to serve Him in this new territory! May the ground before you be soft for planting the gospel, fertile for obedience to the Word and yield a sweet harvest of glory unto our Father!
~ By April Motl
