While the desire to serve the Lord’s people may come from a pure heart, relationships can get complicated. We are all familiar with the concept of enabling, but it can be particularly difficult to pinpoint it in your ministry to young women. Discipling young women requires understanding and patience as they mature across many areas of life. That patience and compassion can, however, get manipulated by the very women you seek to serve. It is humanly impossible to know for certain what act of grace will spur a woman on to Christ and which one will simply encourage unhealthy behavior - that requires God’s wisdom and discernment.
When you are helping or discipling young women in your ministry, ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you put more work into helping her than she puts into making good choices for herself?
- Has she ever blamed you for a poor choice she made? Do you see her consistently refusing to take personal responsibility for her choices?
- Is she caught in a cycle of behaviors, but refuses to change over a prolonged period of time?
- Does she talk about needing you or Jesus?
- Does she characteristically use other friends or family members?
- Is she bent on negativity, manipulation, or guilt-tripping those around her?
- Does she balk at healthy boundaries you need? For example, she might push at a boundary by always calling when she knows you are out on a date with your husband or she might invite herself over when it is a special family night.
If you answered to the affirmative for more than half of the questions it could signal that the woman under your wing isn’t growing in Christ, but just soaking up whatever help or attention you will give her. But, those same results might just be a symptom of the place she is growing from. Women who came from a broken past aren’t going to have healthy relationships as soon as they give their hearts to Jesus. They need models to learn from and safe people to practice relationships with. However, over time if you notice that the other woman isn’t interested in growing, you might be wise to guard your heart and your time.
There have been a handful of women, ranging in ages and stages, who have crossed my path that I didn’t get to see choose a better road for life. For each one, God was faithful to give me a signal that let me know I had been faithful to serve her, but that it was now time to let her go. Sometimes as we seek to help people grow in the Lord, we can become a hindrance to them. Ministry is a lot of work - wonderful work - but an intense labor none the less. The last thing on earth I would want is to labor in vain.
The best way for us to guard our hearts in this area is prayer. We can’t know for sure the hearts of the women in our ministries, but we can rely on the One who does (Jer. 17:10)! Before I go to any ministry events, I always ask God to show me at least one person He wants me to love on or encourage. I commit every appointment to Him and try to check with Him before I schedule any meetings. I also lean into the leading of my husband. God has used him many times to balance me out!
Ask the Lord to show you if there are any places in your ministry that might be weak in this area. There are times I feel like a nurse on a battlefield getting called to one emergency after the other. Someone just needs to be there to stop the bleeding! Sometimes God has called me to that place and other times I have just run out into the warzone because I saw hurting people. God gifts us with His healing words, His grace and compassion to pour out on His women, but we will only be fruitful when we make sure we are pouring our gifts, time, and treasures in the exact places He directs us. Let’s pray for that direction!
~ By April Motl
