Thirty years ago, when I said “I do” at the altar, I knew that I was at the same time committing to coming alongside my husband as a pastor’s wife. Sometime during our dating years, he felt a strong call from the Lord to pursue full-time vocational ministry. Though I wavered some in my faith during my college years, our engagement was a time for me to recommit and say “Yes” to the Lord, wherever He would lead me.
It is a good thing that the Lord is the One who knows the future, and not us! If I had fully known what all ministry life entailed, I may have never walked the aisle that day. Seminary did not fully prepare us for the ups and downs of ministry: things like the sadness you feel when some in your church family move away; the inevitable conflicts; the necessity of being willing to do any and all tasks, no matter your spiritual giftings; the elation of seeing new converts come to Christ and share their stories at their baptisms; the discouragement of planning a ministry event that is poorly attended; the joy of unexpected church visitors that fill your pews and soon become integrated into the church body; or the feeling of betrayal when long-standing members have unconfessed sin and turn their backs on the church. Ministry is a roller coaster of high-highs, and low-lows.
Young people who are looking for prospective careers based on “job satisfaction” may quickly become discouraged from considering pastoral ministry when they see the statistics related to the high burn out, low pay, long hours, family stress, inevitable conflicts, and discouragement. I have met many former pastors who are now selling insurance. And sadly, a majority of pastors’ children do not stay involved in church as adults.
Our church is in the process of hiring a new associate pastor, and as we interact with some younger couples newer to the ministry, I wonder how prepared the wives are for the adventures that lie ahead? What is the level of fear, anticipation, excitement, and genuine understanding of what the journey could entail? Having served alongside my husband now for 23 years of full- time ministry, including 17 at our current church (started as a church plant), I am reflecting on all the ways that the Lord has protected us, strengthened us, equipped us, and even granted us supernatural joy and peace to sustain us through the ups and downs. Beyond that, our three young adult children, with whom we’ve been very transparent about our struggles, are actively serving in ministry.
Reflecting back, I believe that certain habits, spiritual disciplines, and thought patterns can make a difference in being able to stay the course, and what follows are suggestions for young ministry wives to consider as they prepare for the journey ahead.
10 WAYS TO HELP YOU STAY THE COURSE IN MINISTRY:
1. Fruitfulness in ministry and contentment start with your time with the Lord.
I was once given the advice, “Never leave your time with the Lord until you’ve heard from Him.” Be a student of the Word, and devoted to prayer. This is your deep well of life!
2. Focus on daily gratitude.
Consider writing a list every day of what you are grateful for. If you start off your daily time with the Lord with this, you will be amazed to see how the circumstances you’ve been fretting about actually have some positives. You will see that God is working after all!
3. Recognize and praise God often for the privilege of serving alongside your husband in ministry.
You will not have to work hard to seek out opportunities to disciple others and join in the furthering of God’s kingdom; the opportunities will be right before you.
4. Cultivate your “helpmeet” role.
You will often be tempted to feel, “Why should I do this or that?” And yet, when you recognize that there is joy in serving the Lord through serving your husband and the church that he has been entrusted to shepherd, the feelings of resentment melt away.
5. Focus on giving honor, rather than expecting it.
At times, you will be praised, and at other times overlooked. We are never to seek honor, but rather to give preference to others in honor, to serve in secret, and to outdo others in showing love.
6. Seek out mentors and ministry friendships.
Connect with women who are positive in their ministry roles; you will hear plenty of complainers! Read books by or spend time with those who have embraced their calling and have learned to find joy in their circumstances. One young ministry wife had on display in her home a rock with the painted phrase, “Bloom where you are planted.” She so missed her extended family and had not yet put down roots in her new location, but she clung to the fact that the Lord had called her to her place of ministry and she focused on finding contentment in that.
7. Be prepared for the inevitable pain you will feel when church members leave and join a different fellowship.
This is an all too common occurrence in churches across America, large or small. Since we view our church body as a family, it can hurt deeply. Recognize this but then give your pain to the Lord as an act of worship; ask Him to take it and use it as He sees fit. Then redirect your energies towards those whom He has entrusted you to shepherd. It is God’s church, not ours.
8. Recognize that as there are different life stages, so there are different phases of ministry involvement and responsibilities.
There will be days and times when you need to say no to outside commitments in order to assure that you have sufficient time to disciple your own children and manage your household, however there will be other days when the priority will be to help with a ministry task or role. Ask the Lord to make that clear to you each day, and He will grant you wisdom to “order your days aright,” as the Psalmist prayed.
9. Remember that ultimately you are seeking the Lord’s approval, not man’s.
You and your husband will not be able to please everyone, but through prayer and seeking counsel from godly mentors, you will be able to make decisions focused on gospel proclamation and the Lord’s glory.
10. Finally, embrace your calling as a family.
Find ways to involve your children in ministry; they will gain a sense of purpose and mission and will cultivate their gifts from an early age. Point them often to the holiness and perfection of God; they will see plenty of failings among Christians, but that is not where we put our hope and faith.
There is joy in the journey, but even more joy as we set our sights not on what is temporal, but on that, which is eternal. Thank the Lord daily that God Himself has seen fit to carry out His purposes in this world through the likes of us. We are but clay pots, and yet are entrusted with the most precious treasure of all. Steward it well.
~ By Karen Mauer
