They say “the first” of every major holiday or life event is hard for those in addiction recovery. The first vacation, birthday, Fourth of July, or Thanksgiving nudges you to pick up a glass because nostalgia is a powerful thing. For me, the wine gave every memory a golden hue. Without it, there seemed to be a colorless anticipation of the next “first.”
The holidays were especially challenging that first year. Everywhere I went I was tempted to reach for a glass. It seemed like the world was gathering around tables, laughing, and toasting jeweled glasses of Beaujolais or Champagne. It was as if the wine was the key to a happy holiday season. I felt alone in the knowledge that I would attend gatherings where people would be making golden-hued memories; meanwhile, I would be white-knuckling it with my glass of sparkling water. Until the golden memories were replaced with new ones, they tried to drag me back.
The first step in many twelve-step addiction recovery programs begins with the word, “We.” They use that word because healing from addiction happens in community. We need each other to follow Jesus and for support in the midst of struggle. “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble” (Ecc. 4:9-10 NLT).
God knew I needed someone to stand with me. Enter the girl next door, Becky White. Becky is my neighbor, my friend, and love in action. Early in my recovery, she committed to stop drinking in solidarity with me. I couldn’t believe that another person would support me in that way. As an attender of many of the same gatherings, it helped to know that I wouldn’t be alone. Even if we weren’t together, I knew she wouldn’t be drinking, and it gave me strength. I could borrow her strength from the two of us standing together.
When I stumbled or struggled, she was there to help. She prayed over me as I went to various events alone and she was by my side for others. I don’t know what I would have done without her. She was my rock that first year when I didn’t know if I could make it. It was like God was reaching down through her to help me. He is so good. Not only did He free me from addiction, He blessed me with Becky and others who support and love me. Together we are replacing the old memories with new ones; full of the life and color only Jesus can bring.
