I've experienced loss. Great loss. I know what grief and hopelessness feel like. But I also know what joy and hope feel like in the midst of the pain. As Christians, we do not grieve like those who have no hope. Because of Jesus Christ, we can hold both sorrow and joy simultaneously. We can trust and believe that the sun shines even through the deepest suffering.
In July of 2000, I was eight years old, and my family and I were on our way to the beach. A truck traveling the opposite direction lost control and hit my family’s car, tragically taking the lives of four of my siblings and my parents. My older brother and I were the only ones in our family to survive.
My whole world was completely shattered in one instant. My tight-knit family was gone forever. Gone were the chaotic days of homeschool life. Gone were the long afternoons spent playing outside in the creek. Gone were the nightly devotionals my dad would read. My childhood as I knew it came to an abrupt halt. God provided a loving family to raise my brother and I from that point on, however the years have not been without much hurt and turmoil.
Because of the faith my parents modeled to me at a young age, I had a strong foundation, and I knew that God was there for me. Though everything else was changing around me, I knew that the Lord was unchanging. He became my fortress. He allowed me to wrestle with Him and ask hard questions. In the quiet of the night when loneliness and fear often crept in, I cried out to the Lord, “Why me, God?... Are you still there?... Do you love me?... Can I trust you?”
Over the years, God’s faithfulness proved steadfast. Though I wandered away, He never left my side. He allowed me to question, search, and roam, all the while gently calling me back to Him.
Gradually, instead of “Why?” my question to God became "What now?" It is okay and good to ask God why, but the question is ultimately self-centered. The truth is, I will never understand why God allowed this tragedy to take place in my life. But thankfully, God doesn’t call me to understand. He calls me to trust Him. So now, instead of “Why me?” I surrender to God, asking, "What do you want me to do now?... How do you want me to serve you with my whole life?... Lord, help me. Guide me. I need you.”
This journey we are on is not supposed to be easy. It’s a long, weary, and often painful voyage. John 16:33 tells us, "Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world" (NLT). God tells us trials and sorrows will come our way. We should not be surprised when they hit, but instead seek to trust God with how He will use them.
Now, I am married with a new family of my own. Growing up, God surrounded me with many friends, family members, and mentors along the way who encouraged me and spurred me on in my faith. Romans 8:28 tells us, "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." He is working all things together for my good and for His glory. In clinging to this truth, I am able to have great hope and joy—even in the pain, in the trials, and in the chaos and confusion of this world.
If you’re hurting today, you are not alone. We have no idea all the ways God is at work in our lives—yours and mine!
