During the Christmas season of 2016, the world looked a lot like it usually did. There were Christmas lights and carols on the radio. Christmas cookies sat on a plate. Even with a little snow, it didn’t feel like Christmas for my family.
My grandfather had passed away suddenly two weeks before. What should have been a time of decorating trees and attending church services was filled with funeral preparations and caring for my recently, widowed grandmother. It was hard to explain to people outside of my family why I wasn’t excited for Christmas and why I was actually dreading the Christmas Eve service that we had always attended together.
If this isn’t your story, it might be the story of your friend or family member this holiday season. If it is, how should you address it? It can be hard to be supportive without sounding cliché, and it can be even harder if you’ve never experienced grief yourself.
Here are a few ways you can support your friend through their grief this Christmas season:
1. Be there for them.
This can be hard, especially if the person seems to be pushing you away. In the midst of grief, there is nothing more comforting than knowing there is someone willing to walk patiently alongside you.
2. Let them talk about emotions.
Grief is messy and raw. It makes us question everything we believe, and it causes many different emotions at the same time. Don’t pressure your friend to be okay with what is happening in their life. Even when we have faith in Christ, loss still hurts and needs to be processed. Let them process their grief with you, and make sure that you are willing to simply listen.
3. Don’t push to open up.
People are ready to talk at different times. If your friend isn’t ready, grief may be too fresh. They might not even fully understand what they are feeling themselves. They will open up when they are ready.
4. Don’t dismiss with religious clichés.
We are guilty of this in Christian circles, often because we are unwilling to be involved in the messy parts of grief. There is no blanket statement or verse that will make the pain go away. Yes, Scripture is important and God is the ultimate healer. However, make sure that you aren’t simply dismissing their pain in efforts to make yourself feel better.
5. Meet practical needs.
This can be especially important during the holiday season. It may be easy to drop off good wishes and a casserole, but what about letting out the dog while they are out of town for the funeral? What about taking the kids out sledding, so they can have some time alone? These practical needs are often overlooked and can go a long way in making your friend feel cared for and loved.
6. Pray.
This might seem obvious, but it is often overlooked. Pray for your friend to heal and to lean close to God during this time of hurt. Pray for the right words to say to your friend and the wisdom to know when to just listen.
7. Participate in the funeral.
Funerals are tiring and emotionally exhausting. Showing up to let your friend know you are there for them can be extremely comforting and can help to remind them they are not alone.
8. Relive Memories.
One of the best ways to begin processing death is by reliving good memories. This helps focus on the positive impact the person made on their life rather than the gaping hole left by their absence. But remember, it might take a little while for the memories to be less painful to discuss.
9. Follow up on Christmas.
It is easy to forget the lonely and grieving during the busyness of Christmas. For many, this is often one of the most painful days of the year because it is a fresh reminder of their loved one’s absence. Try to find a way to call or check in with your friend. If they are on their own this Christmas season, invite them to join some of your family celebrations.
10. Point to a future.
While in the midst of grief, it can be hard to picture a life without a loved one. Discuss the future and what it will look like to move forward. Discourage any major decisions while the grief is still fresh; instead lend a hand with the small transitions that will have to take place.
Christmas can be a magical time, but it can also be a season of hurt for many people. Let’s strive to reach out to others this holiday season and love them well. After all, Christ came to comfort a broken world. We are called to do the same.
~ By Kelsey Kirkendall
