I was in bondage. That’s the only way I can express it. I held my own heart so tight to protect it that it was hard to breathe. I thought I could keep myself from more sadness, and I was scared. What was going to happen next, to me or those around me? Here is my journey.
The long road was tiring. It hit a dead end, and I felt my heart died.
THE ROAD OF LIFE
My life seemed normal at the beginning, growing up on a farm in the Midwest. But when things started getting bumpy, I began guarding my heart from more hurt. The thought of more pain was overwhelming, so I ran from it, avoided it, and stuffed it. I feared what harm might come next, and I ended up carrying a load that was more than I could bear.
A big bump in the road came when my mom died of cancer. I was 17, and she was the one person on this earth closest to me. I determined to let no one come close to my heart again—I had tried that, and it hurt too much.
Newly 20, I prayed, “God, I want to get married.” Someone came into my life, but marriage can be both beautiful and bumpy.
Four children before I turned 30 brought the bumps, bruises, and blessings of childbearing and raising them through their teens.
At 40, we moved a family of six to a new state. This adventure put a curve in the road that threw some of us off our path.
Now at 50, I ask myself: What happened? Who have we become? Where is the man I married? Where is the woman he married? Where have the children gone?
Why does my heart hurt so badly? I was protecting it and holding it tight. I was trying to keep it from getting hurt! Why? Because it doesn’t work.
Why doesn’t it work? Because I am not God. Only He can save my heart and set me free.
THE ROAD TO THE CROSS
This is how it worked for me: the only way for me to be set free was to allow someone else to control me and take my heart in their hands.
How can that be freedom?
I knew a woman well who wanted to follow Jesus with all her heart, and she worked really hard at it. Only, I think she got lost in the process and maybe even lost herself. She gave herself away, gave her heart away, and ended up empty and alone. She had nothing left, since she had given it all away. She found herself giving to people more than God, and there is a difference.
She was on the right path and took up her cross (Luke 9:23), but started looking to people, which led to sadness and disappointment. What followed was a long road of learning to heal past hurts of the heart, getting lots of help, and submitting everything and everyone to Christ and His control. It involved letting go of all the burdens she was carrying so that she could walk freely.
Now you know, when we take up our cross and follow Christ, where we are headed, right? To our crucifixion! To get to the good, we have to walk through the bad. The way to heaven is hard, but oh, the glory at the end. So why was my friend surprised when the road led to a place of suffering and humility? Jesus knew for 33 years where His life was leading: to His death on a cross.
Placing our heart on the cross with Jesus and giving Him the control is where freedom and true peace begin.
Sacrificing myself to the Savior sets me free. That’s when I am finally free of me, cleansed, and redeemed by the precious blood. That’s when I am free to be filled with the love of Christ and His Holy Spirit. That is when a new journey to glory, rest, and peace can begin.
REST ON THE ROAD
Taking time for me and my soul is essential. Jesus went to the cross for the salvation of my soul—what is my journey to care for it?
Think of taking a ten-mile walk. This life is a long road, you know, and often—most often—hard more than easy. Where do I begin?
First of all, my heart has to be in it, and I have to surrender to the plan. I must let go of my own desires and take to this journey. Thankfully I have a life coach leading me, Jesus, and He once walked this road Himself.
I will prepare, soaking my soul in the words of Jesus and His Father and listening to His Spirit within me (Gal. 5:16).
I will plan. I can continually be talking to my Savior, moment by moment, with each step I take (1 Thess. 5:17).
I will pause. Take a breath and sit at Jesus’ feet, even kneel. If you want to be like Daniel, do it three times a day (Dan. 6:10). Give thanks and praise.
If your heart has come to a place in the road where it feels like it has died, without hope or help, take courage. Getting back on your feet may begin with the simple prayer, “Jesus, help me. Send the help I need.”
The road is not easy, it is long, but there is such joy in the end. Let’s hold each other’s hands and begin.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb. 12:1–2).