We all have opinions.
And it's easy to express them.
We live in a time where we can freely voice our beliefs. Using our mobile devises, we can be a critic and post our opinions on just about everything and anything. We can debate and name call and argue with others in the privacy of our own homes. The problem is we want everyone to hear and hopefully agree with us. And if they don't, well, we may not talk to them again. But all this wanting to be right and wanting to be heard and trying to argue with those who don't agree with us, is not always good.
Holding Your Opinions Too Highly
"Keep reminding God's people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, an only ruins those who listen" (2 Tim. 2:14).
Just this morning my husband questioned my opinion, and I didn't take it too kindly. My first prideful instinct was to turn into a snarling lap dog and defend my position. That is a quick way to ruin a morning. As well as the conversation. How often has someone questioned or attacked your opinions and you felt they were attacking you? I know I have. And more times than I care to count. This happens when I tie my opinions to myself, when I see my persuasions as part of me. And I do this because of pride. In reality, my opinions are only my opinions. And if there is one thing that changes over time, it has been my position on various topics.
As a preteen I read Cheaper by the Dozen and wanted 12 children. I started babysitting and my opinion changed. As a child I only liked white chocolate. Now I like all chocolate. I used to think we could control our lives. Now I know better. I used to think that raising children was easy. Not anymore. Experience, time, perspective, and knowledge have changed a lot of my opinions. Or at least tweaked them into a different version of themselves. And this is good. It shows growth, change, maturing, and a learning from life.
Truth Versus Opinions
"Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels" (2 Tim. 2:23).
Truth doesn't change. It stays consistent. An opinion is a belief, view, sentiment, thought, or speculation, and it can change. The problem is, we often treat our opinions like truth and then get offended when someone doesn't agree with us. Having an opinion is not wrong. It allows us to be different. Gives us variety. Shows our perspective and views. The trouble comes when we treat our opinions as truth and argue for them and look down on people who don't hold the same beliefs. Some opinions are mild, like our favorite color. Others are hot buttons, homeschool versus public school. Democrat or Republican. Get a tattoo or not.
We often defend our important opinions because we assume that someone questioning or attacking them is attacking us. We believe that if they are not for our opinions, they are against us. And because we personalize our opinions, we are almost instantaneously willing to enter the bloody fray to defend them (which we think is defending ourselves).
I look back and see that I have often considered my opinions as right and true, meaning that if someone questions me, that means they are wrong. Almost instantaneously, sides get drawn of good and bad, right and wrong, with me being on the side of right; them being on the team of wrong. My pride does not want to be wrong, be made fun of, questioned, or humiliated. So, I jump up to defend my position and prove I am right.
But this same pride that is defending and arguing my opinion:
- Cuts off communication
- Doesn't listen
- Judges others
- Doesn't show grace
- Keeps from remembering that we are all on the same journey, but different places on our journeys
- Doesn't love the other person as much as myself
- Isn't humble
- Thinks it can control what others think
- Doesn't consider other perspectives
A New and Better Way to Communicate
"It is to one's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel" (Prov. 20:3).
I have never convinced anyone through arguing with them. But I have convinced people with calm conversations where I listen more than talk. Think how much more peaceful this world would be if we quit holding our opinions so tightly?How much our relationships would improve?
Here are some ways we can help with this dilemma:
1. Hold opinions loosely. Especially those clamoring to be defended.
2. Remember that personal beliefs change. When someone has an opinion that really strikes you as off the tracks, give them grace. Next year their stance could flip-flop─and so could yours.
3. Listen and ask questions before defending or attacking.
4. Find common ground or just agree to disagree.
5. Put the relationship first. The relationship is more important than winning or convincing the other person.
6. Don't take things so personally. This reduces defensiveness and disagreements.
Shall we try together? We will surely fail, and then try again. But slowly over time our estimation of our opinions will change, along with our behavior. This process will enhance relationships and bring glory to God as we seek unity over uniformity.
