“It’s like he doesn’t even know why he’s alive. He doesn’t do anything. I mean he provides for us, but he just comes home from his job and reads or watches TV. He doesn’t give the kids anything to aspire to. And Sunday mornings are so hard for me, because I have to get the kids ready all by myself and it hurts me so much that he doesn’t go to church. He does believe in God. He’s just not in an actual relationship with him right now. Pastor said others won’t want to follow God if his people are grumpy all the time. I’m trying to find joy, but it’s hard.”
Looking across the table at my friend, I felt for her. She’s been in this place for a long time, and she has demonstrated a remarkable tenacity. She refuses to give up on leading her family toward Christ, even though her husband is not on board. Surely God will reward her for her persistence.
I asked my friend, “What is it that you enjoy about your husband?” (Actually, to be honest, I asked her, “Is there anything you enjoy about your husband?” which I now regret, because I loaded that question with a little bit of desperation.) I wish I had assumed there are things she enjoys!
Being a forgiving person, she glossed over the implication in my question. She began to list admirable qualities about this man who has been faithful to her family, diligently providing, curiously learning about all kinds of subjects, keeping a level head when hers is far from it. She told me about their mornings together, after the kids are sent off to school. She makes breakfast and they sit and talk about all he’s been reading and learning.
Essentially, she shifted her attention away from the things that frustrate her, and deliberately thought about the qualities she appreciates in her husband. Given the way she often talks about him, I was astonished to hear about all these strengths and the rich conversations around their breakfast table.
Will this shift in thinking supernaturally spark a change in her husband? I don’t know, but for that one moment at the coffee shop, she was appreciating and enjoying her husband. And that moment was pleasing to God. First Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
After this conversation with my friend, I drove to pick up my kids from school. My thoughts wandered to my husband, who will be out of a job in a couple of months and is beginning the search for a new one. “What can I enjoy about this scary and stressful season, Lord?” I can enjoy the sense of adventure—moving to a new place, meeting all kinds of new people. I can enjoy the confidence that God will be with us wherever we go, and He will provide for us.
Sometimes showing gratitude to God takes a little creativity, searching out something to enjoy when it’s not immediately obvious. This may feel a little like searching for a little gold in a great big heap of rocks. But we’ll find it if we’re sure it’s there! What can you enjoy in your circumstances today?
~ By Allie Boman. Allie is a freelance writer who served for 15 years as a campus missionary for Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship. Allie has recently moved with her family to the Chicago area. She studied piano in college, married her dream guy and has three bright young kids. Following Jesus is her main thing. She blogs at www.QuickReads.blog and would love to connect with you!
