I cannot believe that I am back here again. Why did I say that? I didn’t quite mean for it to come out that way.
These are just of the statements and questions that arise when I put my foot in my mouth. I was recently mortified when I was trying to have a hard conversation and it did not end well. I immediately began blaming myself. However, after seeking wise counsel, I realized that disagreements are a part of life, and God gives grace in unflattering moments.
APOLOGIZE
I could not take the moment back, and while it was not harmful to me, it was harmful to the other person. I had to realize that I needed to apologize to the person for hurting their feelings—while harm was not my intent, it happened—and I would encourage you to do the same. Our words are powerful and even if they are misconstrued, even if the person does not receive your apology, apologize anyway. You are still making things right with God and yourself.
It was hard for me to accept that I hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally, and I couldn’t just carry on with life. We know the conversations that do not sit well within our spirit, and we are aware of conversations that are just not edifying at all. Offer a sincere apology. Allow God and time to handle the rest.
REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE HUMAN
Sometimes, we will beat ourselves up over something that either was said to us, or that we said to someone else to hurt them. Keep in mind that you are human. It is important to remember our tone and word choice when having a hard conversation. The goal is never to attack the person; the goal is always to address the issue. I’ve learned to listen to understand and not listen to respond. I have been in that class several times—maybe one day I’ll graduate.
If you are the person who initiated a hard conversation, pray before you begin. Pray about the place, time, tone, and God’s will in addressing the situation. Emotions change, but God doesn’t. God is never the author of confusion. His goal is to address the issue so that both of you can prayerfully move forward in a positive manner.
PRAY AND LET GOD DO THE REST
We tend to think that all conversations are supposed to end without anyone getting upset toward the other party. However, the problem is not with getting upset, it is with how you choose to express it. If you are dealing with aggressive behavior, it may be better to have the conversation over the phone. If you are covering a sensitive topic, you may choose a public, yet secluded location. Pray about the location as well.
If the other person is open, God will orchestrate the details. Pray about it. If the person is not open, accept it. God will do the rest. Sometimes people may not receive what we have to say. Always move, speak, and carry yourself in love.
The other person may or may not respond, “I forgive you,” and sometimes it may take several hard conversations to get to an “I’m sorry.” If they’re not willing to discuss it at all, you tried. We all hope for the responses that we see on the cheesy Christian movies. They sit down and talk. They cry. They forgive. However, this is not a cheesy Christian movie. This is life.
Be prayerful before you respond. If I’m honest, sometimes our emotions lead. That is why it is important to pray before you have hard conversations with people; the truth can get lost in emotions. Pray before the conversation. Pray during the conversation. Pray after the conversation. Let God do the rest.
SEEK HELP
Some conversations will require more conversations. It is okay to seek the help of a counselor or someone to mediate. If your situation could benefit from outside mediation, I would advise you to seek someone in ministry, that you trust, to resolve the issue or issues. I would also suggest that you reach out to a therapist. There isn’t anything wrong with seeking a third party to help. Some situations are too sensitive and require a professional, while some can be had over a cup of coffee. You decide. Just know that God gives grace during hard conversations. And, as God has given me that grace, I am confident that He will give the same grace to you.
SEE THE BEAUTY IN THE HARD CONVERSATIONS
I don’t know about you, but I feel better when I can get it off my chest. While your situation may be uncomfortable at the moment, don’t miss the beauty of it. Conflict teaches us about ourselves. Do I forgive easily? Do I listen to understand? Can I be open to another possible opinion? Do I always have to be right? If conflict is done properly, both parties can walk away feeling heard while forgiveness and restoration are extended. No, there is no magic wand to make it all go away. There is no pill to give you a temporary mental vacation. But there is a God that sits with you as you speak. Look to Him, and He will give you peace and grace.
