Whining and complaining are two of the behaviors I have a very low threshold for as a parent. The reasons may be justified but the tone in which it comes out of a child’s mouth reveals much about their heart.

This past winter in Wisconsin has been perfect for stirring up discontentment and boredom in our house. We’ve had more than four snow days (three of those in the same week!) with temperatures so low and snowfalls so high that we were unable to leave our house. I will openly admit that after entertaining a toddler and ten-year-old for days upon end, without being able to step foot outside…they were not the only ones complaining and crying!

Living with chronic pain since birth, I’ve learned to share honestly about what I’m experiencing without exhausting others with continuous complaining. My understanding of how to do this has swung from opposite extremes; show no hint of grief and mask it with forced happiness or share the darkest moments and leave myself and those in my wake void of hope. Over the years, I like to think I’ve landed somewhere in the middle.

Recently, in studying Psalms, I’ve realized how important lament is to our faith and trust in God’s character and promises in the midst of suffering.

Most people think of Christianity as a religion of joy rather than lament. After all, the fruit of the Spirit includes “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal 5:22-23). That makes lament seem closer in kind to the traits listed under the “sinful nature” (Gal. 5:19-20). Closer inspection of Scripture, however, reveals that lament plays a vital role in biblical religion. ~Tremper Longman III

Laments make up almost 50 percent of the book of Psalms! As you read them, you’ll notice that the psalmist almost always concludes with confidence in God’s response and/or giving praise to Him.

God knows that grief, anger, sadness, frustration, and weariness are things we all will experience as human beings. He created us in His image, which means He experiences many of these same emotions. However, where we differ from God is that we are capable of sinning out of these emotions if we let them rule our thoughts and hearts.

By wrapping our lament in confidence and trust in who God is (even if the lament is about the injustice we feel God is responsible for) it will always produce a deep joy in our spirit. This true unending joy that we desire is impossible without grief and suffering.

Look at Mark 15:34. Jesus cries out to God by quoting the first few lines of Psalm 22, in response to the unfathomable suffering He is experiencing on the cross. In addition to this, in Mark 14:32-42 in the garden of Gesthamane, Jesus laments the pain He knows He is about to endure. He even asks God to take it away, but again, finishes His lament in confidence by ultimately submitting to His Father’s will.

Even more amazing, is the direct parallel that the structure of a lament has to Jesus’s death and resurrection. Just as a lament moves from sadness to praise, Jesus moves from suffering to glory.

An honest turning to God in times of disappointment and grief—even in anger and confusion—turns sadness into singing. With a recognition of what God has done and can do, the opposite poles in the world of emotions are reversed. Joy replaces lament.” ~Tremper Longman III

Some years ago, I was diagnosed with a condition called Arachnoiditis in my back due to the damage to my nerves caused by my Spina Bifida and the trauma from multiple surgeries. Recently, I’ve been experiencing an increase in flare-ups which leads to days and sometimes weeks of debilitating pain. I’ve found comfort in writing my own laments to God when I’m in the midst of these. There have also been multiple periods of intense mourning and hurt in other areas of my life. The structure of lament has given me a map to navigate these seasons of confusion and disorientation when it’s been very tempting to despair.

If you’re in a desert that has you experiencing strong emotions that you are tempted to numb or push away, I encourage you to instead write out your own lament to God, ending with confidence in Him, and then watch with amazement as He turns your sorrows into joy.