The spasms in my lower back radiated throughout my body. While I suffered occasional back issues from a previous injury, this relentless pain came unexpectedly.
My husband and I were out of country at a retreat to focus on ourselves, the Lord, and our marriage. And there I lay flat on my back. If the Lord was using this pain to get my attention, He had it!
God often removes me from the normal rhythms of life and puts me in a vulnerable place to take care of matters of the heart, leading to another level of trust in Him. This time was no different.
I woke the following morning, slowly dressed myself, and walked to the dining room supported by my husband. As he asked the blessing for breakfast, he prayed for God to help my back relax and release.
“Relax and release,” my heart rehearsed. The mantra worked its way into my heart. I had no choice but to relax given the pain, but what was I supposed to release? It slowly became painfully clear. In order to relax and release, I had to trust and entrust.
For months, the Lord had stirred my husband’s heart and mine concerning another ministry transition. My heart was struggling with the move, and it created spiritual muscle tension—because of my children. For the first time in thirty years of ministry, my husband and I were venturing out without them. They had been a vital part of our ministry, in fact, much of our ministry success had to do with their involvement in every church my husband had pastored. Relax and release them? My heart could hardly bear it!
“Don’t you trust Me?” the Lord asked. It wasn’t the first time He had asked.
“Of course I trust You!” my heart retorted. In fact, I had. I trusted Him as my Savior when I was fifteen. I trusted Him when He redirected my path to Bible college. I trusted Him to provide when I ran out of finances in my final semester. I trusted Him in “out-of-my-comfort-zone” ministry. I trusted Him in every transition we made.
Months before, I had responded to an altar call. I lay prostrate before the Lord, giving my all to Him. This is the way I had learned to trust Him throughout my life—one altar at a time.
“What more do I entrust to You?” I asked. “I’ve given You everything—my life, my ministry, my marriage. And I’ve given You my children!”
“Really?” He prodded.
God reminded me that He has a plan, a hope, and a future for all of us whose hope is in Him (Jer. 29:11). He wasn’t out to take something from me, I just needed to relax and release. I needed to trust and entrust.
“Well yes, Lord! I gave You my son just after his nineteenth birthday. He’s in your presence in heaven. I’ve given You my daughter, miles away in another part of the country. I’ve given You my youngest son so he can serve You in full-time ministry. And my youngest daughter…”
“Yes?” He chided, sensing my apprehension.
“Lord, my youngest daughter is my only hope of having one of my children living close to me. You wouldn’t ask me to give her up too, would You?”
“Why not? Don’t you trust Me?”
I wasn’t sure if I did. That was a difficult confession—especially because His faithfulness had been proven to me throughout my life. Regardless, trusting again wasn’t coming easily. It often comes at a price, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to pay it one more time.
My heart lay vulnerable on the altar of sacrifice. There was no way that I could embrace what God wanted to give me if I was still holding on to what I thought I needed.
I knew that full-out surrender was the only way to alleviate the pain (Luke 9:57-62).
So, after days of wrestling, I put my heart back into the hands of the One who created it. Holding my heart in His hands, the Great Physician pierced it. He reminded me that He has a plan, a hope, and a future for all of us whose hope is in Him (Jer. 29:11). He wasn’t out to take something from me, I just needed to relax and release. I needed to trust and entrust—one more time.
As I reflect on the way my life has unfolded, I see how the Lord’s hand has guided me and protected me. I see how His Comforter orchestrated my healing. I can now see what I would’ve missed out on had I not trusted the Lord’s infinite wisdom.
REASONS WE STRUGGLE TO TRUST GOD
1. We want control.
We want things done our way, the best way. We need to relinquish that control. We need to humble ourselves and accept that others have gifts, resources, and talents and that, while their methods might vary from our own, they can accomplish the task at hand. The tighter we hold on, the more prone to possessiveness and pride we are. Ultimately, it’s God who’s in control. We need to relax and release.
2. We try to protect ourselves.
We try to keep ourselves from tragedy, disappointment, or more pain. It’s challenging to trust when trust has been broken in the past. It’s difficult to risk when emotions are vulnerable. The pain is even more difficult to handle when it’s been inflicted by God’s people. The problem with self-preservation is that in this mode, we imprison ourselves to our own warped judgments and outcomes. We prevent ourselves from learning how to cope with pain that is intended by God to grow our character, to become more like Him. Therefore, we need to relax and release.
3. A battle of the will is raging in our heart and mind.
Even Jesus wrestled with His Father’s will. There in the Garden of Gethsemane—the place of crushing—He sweated drops of blood as He spoke the words, “If there is any other way, please take this cup from me. But not my will but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Even on the cross, He cried out to His Father, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46). Alone, in pain, although He knew the outcome of the cross and His sacrifice and that it would be worth it in the end. Just like Jesus, we must relax and release.
4. We are afraid.
“What if” is among the most commonly used arguments. “What if I fail?” “What if I say, ‘Yes, Lord.’ and I get hurt again?” “What if saying ‘Yes’ to You means leaving people I love and care for behind?” Perhaps a better question to ask is, “What if I never take the risk?” “What if I’m so bound to what I’m holding on to that I miss out on the good God has ahead?”
I’ve wrestled with all these aspects of mistrust. I haven’t conquered this area of my life yet. I’m certainly not saying that in each situation in which I’ve surrendered to the Lord, everything turned out the way I wanted it to. But in each situation, I grew in my relationship with Him. The point is not what we’ll miss out on if we surrender, it’s what we’ll miss out on if we don’t. Relax and Release!
HEALTHY WAYS TO RELAX AND RELEASE YOUR BURDENS TO GOD
1. Walk – The harder and faster I walk, the more I’m able to work out my frustration, my anxiety, my fear, and my tension.
2. Talk – with a trusted friend, spouse, or professional counselor.
3. Soak – Jump into the bathtub, the ocean, a hot tub, or the shower. Let it wash over you, refresh you, and cleanse you inside and out.
4. Cry – Tears are God’s gift to us, healing right from within our body. The psalmist says, “My tears have been my food day and night” (Ps. 42:3).
5. Exercise – Cleaning works for me, so my house is never cleaner than when I’m working something out in my life.
6. Massage – Massage therapy helps relieve and release some of the built up tension, anxiety, and stressors of life.
7. Smooth it out – Relationships were God’s idea; the hard part is releasing those relationships to Him. We need to learn not to hold on to resentment, instead releasing the bitterness to more fully engage in relationship with the ultimate Forgiver.
8. Play – Sometimes life gets too serious. We must learn to release the cares of our days into God’s hands while we enjoy the abundant life He died to give us.
9. Pray – Nothing surprises God where our hearts are concerned. Why not be honest with Him about all the things in our lives that we tend to hold onto and keep to ourselves?
10. Write – The psalmist exhorts us to trust in Him at all times, to pour out our hearts to God (Ps. 62:8).
11. Praise – Put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, releasing the weight of this world to the Creator, and trusting Him with it.
