I grew up with a fairy-tale image of the church for the first 15 years of my Christian experience. I loved the church, I loved the people, and I loved serving. I mistakenly thought because it was “Christian” everything would always be wonderful. Then, it happened. My perfect rose-colored church experience came crashing down and I became disillusioned. How could this happen in the church I loved and devoted my life to, how could I be wounded by Christians and not just any Christians, but Christian leaders? I just couldn’t reconcile my new reality.
Eventually it became a real crisis of faith for me. For the first time in my life, I could understand why people no longer wanted to go to church ever again because of the pain associated with it – because I was now one of them. For five long, painful years I simply went to church out of obedience, often sitting on the back pew, tears spilling down my cheeks.
So how do you pick up the pieces and move from being disillusioned to engaged in church again?
1. Take time to grieve the losses and disappointments.
2. Realize that Christ isn't defined by church leadership or their behavior.
3. Take baby steps and slowly re-engage in church life again.
4. Forgive those who have wounded you.
5. Recognize the church is made up of sinners (including me!).
6. Create a life outside the church (other friends, activities, etc.) so you don't lose your support system when things go bad.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the last time I was disillusioned by the church, but the next time I was better prepared emotionally and spiritually, having my expectations more in check.
I no longer make an association with Christian behavior to Christ and that has enabled me to walk through other disillusioning experiences without the kind of soul-wrenching impact of the first one. Christ has never let me down and that keeps me from becoming disillusioned with the church moving forward. And He helps me deal with the disappointments along the way that will inevitably come in the church. My hope comes from Christ alone regardless of what happens in my church.
