I am not what you would call an athlete. In fact, I have a reputation in my family for being quite the klutz. I recently took part in a women's self-defense class, and when I called my husband to tell him I was on the way home, his first question was, “Are you calling me from the hospital?”
When I was growing up, my parents enrolled me in the little kid's soccer league for several seasons. As an adult, I can see why the coach placed me in the goalie position. If he could keep his best players in the forward positions and keep the ball away from me, they were safe.
I remember crouching down, trying to get in a defense position as I watched the ball make its way around them and sail towards our goal. We won't discuss how many times the ball kept sailing until the net stopped it. Let's just say I never won a most valuable player award!
Sometimes I think that goalie position might be a good way to picture what the Lord meant when he said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Prov. 4:23). If that goal is our heart, then we should constantly be on the defense and not allow bitterness, depression, anxiety, anger, or hatred to land in its net, ultimately scoring a point for the enemy of our souls.
But what do you do when life throws you a curve ball? (Yes, I know. I just mixed athletic metaphors.) When the unexpected assault comes against your heart and you're facing deep wounds, what do you do? When you feel like your heart is shattered and broken beyond repair, how do you respond? And, how do you guard your heart in the wake of the death of your son in a drunk driving accident?
God is still good, even when life is not. His goodness and faithful love continue to help us work through the pain and the sorrow.
We found ourselves in that very situation in August 2015. Our sons, Caleb, 20, and Jacob, 17, were on their way home from a church event at which they’d been volunteering when a drunk driver T-boned Caleb’s Ford Escape with such impact that it cleaved off the entire front end of the SUV. On that day, our son Jacob went home to be with our Lord.
People often ask me how I went through that. One mother told me, “I think I would be curled up in a dark room, unable to face the world ever again.”
I won't lie to you. Sometimes, I wanted to do that. But Caleb barely survived the wreck and needed me. Initially, that was all I had to keep me going. Yet God is still good, even when life is not. His goodness and faithful love continued to help me work through the pain and the sorrow.
There are a few tips I want to share with you that helped me through. Honestly, these three simple things still help me navigate the long-term fallout of the tragedy our family experienced. In fact, when I practice them, a spark rekindles deep inside of me, transforming into triumphant hope. Soon I find that my outlook has changed, even if my circumstances have not. My spirits are restored and my hope is not only regained, but flourishing.
3 SIMPLE TOOLS TO GUARD YOUR HEART IN GRIEF
1. Refocus
There’s an old saying, “This too shall pass.” Nothing is permanent in this life. Seasons change. Circumstances change. People change.
What is the one thing that will always remain? God’s Word.
Years ago, when my husband and I led children’s ministry at our church, we taught the kids that the BIBLE stands for Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth. As Isaiah says, “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever” (Isaiah 40:8).
When I dig deep into Scripture, I discover what God says is true. And as I choose to refocus on what He says is true, it trickles out to all areas of my life.
What does He say about me? About my circumstances? About my future? These answers clarify my focus again, which helps me….
2. Recenter
Have you ever had life hit you so hard that you found yourself spinning in circles, aimless, with no direction or focus?
One of my favorite tools for stopping the madness and re-centering on truth is gratitude.
Another old saying is, “Even my worst day as a Christian is better than my best day as a sinner, because now I’m heaven bound.”
By starting with the simple things that I am grateful for, my focus begins to shift from my problems. Soon I find myself recentered on solid ground, which leads me to…
3. Rejoice
As I remember…
- God loves me (John 3:16–17)
- I am never alone (Deut. 31:6)
- God is working all things for my good (Rom. 8:28)
- This world is not all there is. Heaven is real and getting ready for us! (Rev. 21; Luke 23:43; John 14:2)
- One day soon, the trumpet will sound, and I will see my precious son and all those who have loved our Savior (1 Thess. 4:13–18)
- The same Jesus who took the cross for me will also personally wipe every tear from my eye (Rev. 21:4–5)
- When I hold fast to these truths, re-centering my focus on Jesus, then I will have the ultimate cause of rejoicing one day, when I hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” (Matt. 25:21 NKJV)
It’s not always easy protecting the goal—my heart. It can be messy and ugly, just like life. But it’s worth it. Oh, friend, it’s worth it! The rewards are eternal.
What about you, dear friend? What strategies do you use to protect your most valuable asset—your heart? What would you add to Refocus, Recenter, and Rejoice?