In the midst of infertility and unanswered prayers, Andrea Stephens discovered a deeper meaning of fruitfulness in Christ. Her story shows how God’s purposes extend beyond biological motherhood into spiritual impact.
This article originally appeared in the Just Between Us Weekly Digital Magazine.
By Andrea Stephens
Imade a beeline to the beach where I could talk and walk with God. But the talk turned out more like a shouting match (okay, God doesn’t shout but I sure was), because one of the first things I saw in the sand were big mommy footprints next to little kid footprints. Are you kidding me, Lord? Why did I have to see these right here, right now? Could I just get a break? My escape to the beach ended up being one more reminder that I was childless.
Years of doctor appointments, invasive ultrasounds, blood draws, ovulation kits, surgeries to remove painful cysts and endometriosis, and still the hand-knit baby booties on my dresser, intended to be a symbol of hope, were becoming a source of discouragement.
I already had plenty of time to work through the jealousy when sisters and friends announced their pregnancies (realizing that what God was doing in their lives had nothing to do with me helped me rejoice with them), politely declining baby shower invitations (and sending non-emotional gifts like diapers), and learning how to respond when asked if I have kids (I say no, then immediately change the topic).
I had also worked through most of the basic God questions. Why won’t you give me a baby? Don’t you love me? What have I done wrong? What sin have I not confessed? Why won’t you bless me? I promise to raise my children to love and serve you (bargaining with God rarely works but I thought it would be grand if He would pull off another Hannah thing). I had peace that infertility is not a withdrawal of God’s love, not a judgment, or punishment, or proof of abandonment, or proof that God is powerless, or doesn’t answer prayer.
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