Your knight in shining armor probably isn’t who you're dreaming he is. And that’s okay. He is a real guy with real problems, real feelings, and real everything else. As a girl who grew up “waiting for Mr. Right” and dreaming about what my future husband would be like, I took a hard reality hit when I actually started dating. My advice? Don’t wait to start dating, because it is actually a waste of time. Let me tell you why from my own personal experience.
Put Yourself Out There
For the longest time I thought my knight would just “come along.” During my almost three years in Washington, D.C. I constantly prayed that God would bring my knight into my life. I didn’t do online dating because I thought that was for desperate people. “I’m not desperate,” I told myself, “not yet at least….” While I made several close guy friends and hoped at different points that something might work out, nothing did and I now see that for the blessing that it is.
However, when I moved back home to Arizona, I dove into the world of online dating. I wasn’t desperate, I just wanted to go on some dates with real guys instead of dreaming about what it would be like to have a boyfriend. As I went on date after date and kept talking to guy after guy, it dawned on me: I should’ve done this years ago. Dating is emotionally exhausting, whether online or in person. But if you want to know what you are actually looking for in a real guy, don’t sit around daydreaming about it, put yourself out there and go on dates! Let friends, coworkers, and family members know you’re "looking" and willing to be setup with a good Christian guy who is looking for his wife.
I went on a date with my coworker’s son. I know that sounds awkward, but believe me, it wasn’t. My coworker gave my number to his son and we went out the following week. The date was great, but we quickly realized we weren’t each other’s type, and that’s totally fine. I told my coworker before he set me up with his son that I wasn’t going to hold anything against him, no matter how the date turned out. His son and I went on that one date and that was it. My coworker and I still have a great working relationship and it’s not awkward one bit. Don’t let the fear of awkwardness hold you back from what possibly could be your last first date. You don’t know if you don’t give it a chance.
Don't Date Out of Desperation
Before I continue, let me make something very clear: I’m not encouraging you to go on a date with any random guy for the sake of going on a date. No! When I lived in Washington, D.C., I almost went on a date with a sketchy guy that I knew nothing about. All I had to go by was his Instagram page, which had some questionable photos of him. Why did I say yes to this date? I hit a “desperate streak” because I hadn’t been on any dates since moving to the city. I told a friend about my woes and she set me up on a dating app. This guy was one of the first guys to reach out to me and, out of desperation, I said yes to getting dinner. The morning of the date, I told my parents about it and they simply responded, “Get. Off. That. App. You should never go out with a guy out of desperation.” Thank God I listened to them because only He knows what would’ve happened if I had gone on that date.
Know What You're Looking For
I’m now in my mid-twenties and finally have a solid idea of what I’m looking for. I want to encourage you to step back from your checklist and think about these questions: When you spend time with a guy, do you actually like being around him? Do you enjoy his company and does he genuinely enjoy yours? Do you feel safe and protected when you’re with him? Does he hold your hand and open doors for you? Does he make you feel cheerful and optimistic? I’m asking these questions because when you’re thinking about marrying a guy, you need to be able to just hang out with him, as well as go on adventures. I’ve heard Christians say, “If you both love the Lord and line up theologically, that's all you need.” Well, yes, that's a good start, but if you don’t actually like being around the guy, how is that going to work in marriage?
I dated a wonderful Christian guy for a couple months, but I cut if off when I realized I didn’t truly enjoy being around him. We both love the Lord and line up theologically, but our personalities didn’t go well together. Feelings aren’t everything you should base a relationship on, but if a guy doesn’t make you feel good or you feel tense and awkward around him, why would you marry him? Like my parents told me, don’t ever let desperation be the reason you stick with a guy.
Just Relax and Have Fun
Most recently, I began dating someone I met four years ago in Washington, D.C., when we were both interns. We reconnected over Facebook several months ago and, after a few weeks of talking, I flew out to “re-meet” him and see if we actually liked spending time together in person. Before I arrived, I decided I wasn’t going to go down my checklist to see if this guy met the criteria. Nope. I was just going to relax and have fun. We ended up having so much fun together that we decided to officially start dating.
Take the Real Stuff Over the Fairy Tale
I decided the serious discussions could come later. Sometimes those won’t be fun or easy conversations, but here’s the thing: the good times get you through the hard times. When you’re in a disagreement with your boyfriend, remembering why you wanted to date him in the first place can help you get through it.
Obviously, lots of prayer and seeking advice from Christian couples who’ve been married for a long time is a good thing to do, but knowing why you’re in the relationship and keeping that at the forefront of your mind is helpful, especially when the going gets tough. All guys have imperfections, fears, and their own personal baggage. We all do! These things sometimes cause serious disagreements, but hey, that’s what you get when you’re in a real relationship with a real person and not dreaming about some fairy tale situation. I’ll take the real stuff over the daydreaming any day.
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