Most of my childhood was plagued with fear, pain, and anxiety. I was constantly on the run from the beatings and verbal abuse of my parents. My mother was always mad and cursing me and my sisters with some old Chinese sayings that meant “dead girl.” She cursed us for being born and complained incessantly about all she had to do because of us. My father worked long hours, but he took his turn at night and on the weekends, usually after he had several drinks. My younger sister and I often hid in our “safe sanctuary,” our bedroom closet, writing “runaway letters” on the wall in the dark.
When I was six, my younger sister was removed from our home because neighbors had witnessed my mother beating and starving her. A newspaper article said “the child was beaten beyond recognition with evidence of starvation.” Visions of her hiding like an animal under a red highchair still haunt me today. I just couldn’t handle being connected with “that family.” Whenever conversations came up about our families, I would avoid talking about mine. I did not have happy family stories to tell like everyone else. I wanted to be normal and accepted but, deep down inside, I believed I was different. And so I began to believe the lie that I was unworthy of love ─ that I was nothing.
One time my father returned home late from work to the meager meal my mother prepared. He became angry and quickly prepared himself something different. He summoned me to the kitchen where he began to slap my face saying “no one would ever want me, and that I would never amount to anything, and that I was no good.” I remember just standing there and letting him slap my face as the tears and anguish welled up inside of me because I thought, “this all must be true. He must be right.” From that point on, I believed there was nothing I could do to prevent my parents from beating me. I was worthless. But deep inside, I thought there was something I could do to give me worth and purpose. Little did I know then that the Lord would provide.
In God’s mercy, He gave me mature women of faith who zealously taught me the Word of God without compromise. He led me to Inspire Women to help me see myself as the daughter of the King with a mission God wants me to finish. Through Inspire Women, I have found healing and fortitude to finish God’s mission for my life.
~ By Name Withheld
