A:
Christians are to care about others, but they are also to care for themselves. Having boundaries is a necessary requirement for both the giver and receiver. It is appropriate to set boundaries to protect yourself, your time, and your family. But setting healthy boundaries isn't easy when helping people who want/need more than you can give. This is especially difficult when you care for those who are hurting. Here are two steps that may help you in those situations.
STEP #1
Immediately shoot up prayers to God. Then use words to affirm the needy person when you hear them express a need or hurt. For example, “I can hear that…I can see that…” Then you might say, “Today, the best way I can help you is to pray for you. I have five minutes. Would you like me to do that with you now or pray for you later?” If possible, stop and pray right away. If there isn't enough time, pray for them later.
STEP #2
Setting boundaries and feeling alright is a learning process that takes much self-discovery, work, and time. It's a continuous learning process. And, it's only as you honestly recognize your own sin and let the Holy Spirit reveal God’s truth of how God sees you, that you can respond in a healthy way to others. Bible studies that dig into God’s truth can help you discover why you respond the way you do, and expose unhealthy responses.
We sometimes think we are helping needy people by loving them, when actually we may be enabling them. This can be hard to discern. We may do a helpful thing with a wrong motivation – out of guilt, people-pleasing, or works motivation. It takes deep work to see why we tend to respond the way we do and then to be proactive to change unhealthy responses. Time with God reveals all of this, as well as trusted friends, counselors, and other Christians.
As we love God, spend time with Him, and discern His voice, we can also hear Him speak into our lives so that we can give appropriate help to others. Jesus spent time with the Father so that He knew what the will of His Father was. He did not do everything others wanted Him to do. He only did the work that His Father gave Him to do. This is the ultimate example of healthy boundaries. As we seek to do the same, we have the opportunity to see Him do mighty things as He uses us in a healthy God-pleasing way.
By ~ Sharon Zehnder, Ministry Wife
