Sarah and Dave Hall and their five children are returning to the States for their first year-long furlough. For the last four years, they have served in Budapest, Hungary, training worship leaders for church planting teams with Worship From the Nations, a ministry of Pioneers. After their furlough, they will return there.
Like the Halls, most overseas missionaries return to their home country every few years. They report to the mission, renew international visas, reconnect with family and friends, take advantage of educational opportunities and books in English, minister to supporters ⎯and maybe even take a vacation. For most missionary families, a furlough is generally a good thing.
“I loved just hearing the kids say ‘Grandma and Grandpa’ and connecting with that relationship,” says Lynn Brandt, with Campus Crusade for Christ, who served overseas in Swaziland as a single, and in Zimbabwe and London with her husband, Hugh, “and having a break from cross-cultural living and the demands of ministry.”
Janet Gray, who serves with TEAM Missions in Chad says, “Our kids couldn’t wait to have fast food. Larry and I looked forward to time with family and friends, favorite restaurants, movies, shopping and especially having down time to rest and relax.”
Yet anxieties over logistics, ministry displacement, culture shock, medical concerns and exhaustion can put a damper on all the good intentions of a scheduled furlough. One of the first problems returning missionaries face is housing. Some missions and sending churches have long term temporary housing for their missionaries, but most do not. “The single factor that helps us most to settle in, is that our church has an apartment that we use and that gives us a home; we don’t have to live with family and be a burden to them,” said Donnamarie Lovestrand, with AIM in Kenya.
Some career missionaries have been able to invest in home ownership, and then rent their homes to other missionaries during the years they are overseas. The rest, like Sarah and Dave, rely on the networking of family and church, to find a suitable home. And in their case, a big home! “Our church doesn’t have its own missionary housing, yet,” said Amy Thompson, International Consultant and Care Coordinator for Westbrook Church in Delafield, Wisc., Dave and Sarah’s primary sending church. “We are trying to help them find something furnished, but if that’s not available, we will run ads in the bulletin for household items to be donated or loaned to them. We may also hold a household shower for them with the congregation.”
Another big worry for overseas missionaries is not fitting in or connecting with their home culture. “The expectations! We’re ‘home,’ but we’ve grown and changed overseas and so has the U.S.,” said Lynn Brandt. “We sense that no one ‘gets’ us or will care to. We fear being sucked into the things we don’t like about American culture and that the convictions and lifestyle we learned and valued overseas, won’t be lived out here.”
“It’s the little things that get me, like ordering a sandwich at Subway! Everyone else knows where the ordering line begins, and I don’t, so everyone looks at me, like ‘where in the world did you come from?’” said Donna Lovestrand.
“People’s involvement in our lives helped the most in our reentry,” said Janet Gray. “After a particularly difficult term, I felt I wanted to come home and fall into the arms of fellow believers. One of our most healing memories was in Dallas. We were involved in a mission’s conference for a church there. One evening after leading a small group, one of the men asked everyone to pray for us. They gathered around, laid their hands on us and prayed such heartfelt prayers of concern and love that we both wept. We will never forget that.”
“Re-entry is exhausting. I usually wait until their second week back before I call our missionaries,” said Amy Thompson. “I ask how it’s going and what they need. We can help set up medical and dental appointments, appointments to write wills, hair appointments or clothes shopping⎯whatever they need. It’s important that they go with someone. The choices over here are overwhelming!”
“Then, after a time, we meet and talk about the struggles of their term, how they are doing spiritually, how their marriage is holding up. We treat them as our family, free to be imperfect. They don’t have to act a certain spiritual way; they can feel safe to talk about anything. Sometimes we arrange marriage counseling, help for a special needs child or help with depression.”
Missionary kids have apprehensions, too. Will they make new friends? How will they fit in the American school system? Are they academically behind?
“The first day Ryan started eighth grade in Denver was awful!” said Lynn Brandt. “Even though we had lived in London for the last five years, he didn’t understand what kids were saying. The second day, the school linked him up with a nice boy, who thought Ryan’s accent was cool. He took him around and it made all the difference in the world.”
“One thing that helped our kids adapt, was being aware of current Christian songs, artists and films. That was one advantage of attending a boarding school, kids were up on things, so everything wasn’t totally new,” said Janet Gray.
“Our goal is to put more money behind each missionary, instead of spreading out support to more missionaries,” Amy said. We can build on our relationship, and we can pray more, give more and minister more. They don’t have to travel around as much, visiting other churches and tiring them selves out⎯and their kids don’t have to be show pieces.”
With a little planning and warm welcome, you can make the missionaries you know look forward to coming home term after term. And you can send them back to their field assignments knowing that they have been loved and well cared for in every way!
Practical Ways to Minister to Missionaries on Furlough
1. Welcome them, and let them rest
Make sure missionaries just arriving home feel welcomed, but also make sure they have the rest they need to overcome jet lag and responsibilities of resettling their family.
Don’t have them speak their first week home, but do ask about their ministry abroad and really listen to their response. Instead of asking, “What’s it like there?” think of one thing you’d really like to know about their ministry or country and ask a specific question.
2. Provide meals and other basics
If they are moving into church housing or a rental place, make sure they have starter groceries or a hot meal waiting. Invite them to your home for a meal, as soon as possible, or take them to their favorite type of restaurant. Missionaries who adapt to the eating habits of the people they serve may have been eating a pretty bland or a really spicy diet for the last few years, so keep that in mind.
Take them shopping for current-style clothes, especially if their kids are at an age where they feel the need to fit in. If you can afford to, treat them to a new outfit or a winter coat.
3. Offer medical and overall health assistance
If you are a medical professional, or have other services you can offer, tell the missions pastor or the missionaries themselves, but be clear about your compensation needs. Most returning missionaries could use new glasses, dental care and a good checkup. If the missionaries served in the tropics or areas with parasites, the physicians they see need to be sensitive to those maladies and not treat them as embarrassments, especially in children.
4. Extend friendship and provide platforms for sharing
Still, the most important need our missionary friends have expressed is for real communication and relationships. Learn about the world through their eyes! Ask them to speak in your Sunday school, in your small group Bible study, or women’s group. Invite them to belong to your fellowship, linger over coffee, share meals with them and really build friendships.
Make sure their kids are connecting, too, as they only have these short breaks to learn about their home culture. One really good friend can be their key to a positive experience at home. Suggest that a family take one of the furloughing kids ‘under their wing’ for a time, perhaps for a special excursion to the park or a sleepover.
~ By Eddi Schmitt
