When my son was fourteen, we learned he had been watching pornography. At sixteen, he confessed that he was addicted and was first exposed at age ten.
I knew I wasn’t a perfect parent, but as a pastor’s wife and homeschool mom, I believed I had addressed God’s standards well enough that our children understood right from wrong and would choose accordingly. I was wrong.
The day I learned of my son’s indiscretions, I felt like a failure. Shame, guilt, fear, anger, and loneliness invaded my thoughts and world. I was devastated and didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about the mess that plagued my home with anyone, not even my church family or homeschool community. Divulging our issue to only one out-of-state friend, I suffered in silence.
Over the years, as I helped my son and walked through my own emotional turmoil, I prayed, processed, and researched. In the midst of gathering information, I discovered that pornography is pervasive in our society. The porn industry preys on our children. Because they’re curious about sex, they turn to peers or the internet for answers. They’re unaware their search will lead to images that will imprint on their brain and entice them to come back for more.
This information opened my eyes, and I wondered why parents didn’t discuss these dangers lurking in our homes and schools. So I began to talk. Then I started a ministry to help parents.
Our children deal with peer pressure, encounter online bullying, and are urged to send nudes. They are pursued by predators and lured into watching pornographic videos. We can’t ignore these threats or believe our child is immune. It’s our job to act and protect.
If you’re wondering if you should talk with your child or grandchild about sex and sexuality, I suggest starting as young as possible and talking often. Remind them that God created sex for procreation and pleasure. Help them understand He loves us and wants us to enjoy the gift of sex within the confines of a marriage. When they ask questions, listen and answer appropriately. In this digital age of Google and friends shoving photos in front of them, be the first to bring it up. It sends the message that you care and will discuss any topic.
If talking about sending nudes and pornography seems difficult, practice. Then step into the awkwardness. As you express your concern over the dangers associated with the internet, remind your child who they are in Christ. And when the inevitable happens, remember who you are in Christ. God sees you, loves you, and accepts you.
