Which comes first—thoughts or feelings? Does the heart or the mind dominate our ability to live well?
Medical and psychological research continually investigates the link between head and heart, utilizing scans that give windows into the brain and body. Both thoughts and feelings are keys to health.
In Hebrews 10:16, the writer reminds us of the original plan by God for His people: “This is the covenant I will make with them… I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” God knows that both heart and mind need to be engaged for full commitment and deeper understanding.
Can’t Stop This Feeling…
Actor Bob Newhart has a silly video about a counseling method that takes less than five minutes. After the client describes the complaint, Newhart says he will supply two words that will cure her. She takes out her pencil with anticipation.
Then he shouts, “Stop it!”
The directive to just stop thinking or feeling is too simplistic for many issues and will not lead to healing and freedom without additional support. I discuss with my clients the role of feelings and thoughts in the context of suffering and change. Together we look for the strategy to help clients stop the unhelpful patterns and habits.
Here are three ways we can take control of our emotions:
1. Red Light – Green Light
I like to use a traffic light analogy with my clients, thinking of their emotional responses as signals:
- Stop! If you feel angry or upset, that is a red light, telling you something needs to change. You cannot continue this way without dangerous consequences.
- Warning! If you are confused, discouraged, or suspicious, that is a yellow signal to slow down and look at the situation carefully.
- Go! If you sense peace, delight, or joy, the light is green, and you can proceed.
We must pay attention to these signals, but not make hasty decisions based on emotional responses alone. Take time to reflect and analyze the details surrounding these reactions, composing a clear-headed solution.
2. Scripture Therapy Manual
Two verses in the Bible are excellent counseling instructions that can alter a negative perspective. The determination to harness thinking can bring emotions into proper alignment and allow our behaviors to produce good results.
- “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Phil. 4:8).
- “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5).
The apostle Paul teaches how the full concentration of our mind on the truth—found in God’s Word and Christ’s life—forms the healthy foundation for living, not just how we feel in the moment.
3. (Don’t) Just Fake It
Can we try to “fake it till we make it” with our emotions? Should we just pretend to be happy, content, or relaxed until it becomes reality?
That is not a good idea. This phrase could apply to acting confident while learning to be the skilled worker boasted about on a resume, but not to any lasting change of attitude.
We need to assess our personal truths, what we have come to believe about ourselves, and compare them to God’s truth, what He says about us in His Word. When there is misalignment between the two sets of truth, we must cast ours down in favor of God’s—after all, He is the One who made us, knows us best, and planned our destiny for His glory and our good.
God Will Show Us the Way
When we get a proper understanding in our minds about who we are in God’s family, how much He loves us, and how He wired our emotions and personality, we can move toward controlling our feelings.
We can read our emotional traffic signals and think about what we should do. Eventually, we can tell ourselves, “Stop it!” when we are not responding correctly or in a healthy manner. This will not be a five-minute cure and we will need guidance from a trusted counselor or able friend, but we can do it, with God’s help.
