In the early days of my ministry, feelings of pressure, adrenaline, failure, joy, conflict, and paralyzing fear consumed me. Due to a terrible case of people-pleasing and fear of public humiliation, I existed entirely on the back row of life, my gifts tucked neatly under my chair in the name of humility.
I led a group of women through a Bible study about the stuck places in our lives. Near the end of that study, two people voiced criticism about the very fears that had paralyzed me before: my motives. I had stepped out and led in our community, and I was potentially coming off as arrogant to people I cared about. I craved a return to the safety of the back row and the anonymity it once had given me.
As I shared this hurt with my friend Karen, rather than comfort me with all the good things that God had done, she simply asked me, "Is God pleased with you in this?" With 100 percent certainty I answered, "Yes, He is."
The last few months had been difficult. I had acted in obedience, pushing through my fears of approval to lead for His name's sake and for people's healing and freedom. I could not say that my motives were in the right place at other times in my life, but this time I had complete peace. Then Karen said, "Then what else is there?"
At the core of our souls lie our volitions, our wills, our deepest desires. Karen asked me a question she could not know the answer to. She asked me if my motives were pure. She asked me if my heart was right before my God.
Every one of us was made to do great things for God, through God, and in God. We can push through the fears that keep us from moving into all that God has planned for us.
Here are a few practical steps when you face criticism:
1. Let your closest friends know you want their honest feedback.
Let them know they can tell you anything and hold them to it.
2. Keep your head down and do the work.
Let some people speak into that work, but as all the opinions come in, build up filters and have people protect you.
3. Don't be surprised by criticism.
Criticism is the language of our day. Everybody is dealing with it on some level. If you are a leader of anything, or if you disciple one person, you've got criticism coming your way.
4. Don't shut down and get discouraged.
Let's be encouragers for each other.
5. Listen to the right voices.
Identify them, stick with them, listen to them, and be humble.
6. Let the other people go.
You can be free to go out, lead, and create in this big, wide world because you're vulnerable with your few voices. I have so much peace when I receive criticism because I have a few people to go to.
If you want to lead well, never defend yourself again. Take it. Jesus meant it when He said, "To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also" (Luke 2:28), because it is the most freeing way to live. (Note: I did not say easy.)
Humility is often closely connected to humiliation. This is because we can only fake humility alone in the dark in the back rows. Humility is built in battle, in the moments you are running and fighting and leading, and you fall, and people see, and then they know you aren't God, and you remember you desperately need God.
People liking you is overrated. Seeking everyone's approval will steal some of life's best moments. Let pleasing God become bigger than pleasing people, and watch Him move through you in new ways.
