As a teenager, Andrea Stephens was fascinated with pageants, sparkling jewelry, unique clothing, and magazine covers. It didn’t take long for the fascination to sprout into a desire, and then bloom into a dream. She wanted to be either Miss America or that girl on the cover of Vogue. She wanted to wear those funky clothes or that incredible crown. She wanted to be counted among the glamour girls.
After winning second runner up in the Miss Oklahoma pageant, she signed on with a modeling agency and moved to New York City. But it wasn’t the glitz and glamour she thought it would be. When the agency restructured, the new director didn’t like some of the models and started putting pressure on them. Andrea was one of them.
She was called into the office. The agency interpreted her “nice Christian girl” qualities as boring and weak. She was raised to be polite and kind, to dress modestly, to not cuss, and to be respectful and responsible, but these qualities don’t make dollar signs dance in agents’ heads.
The agency said her test shots made her look older than she was - “Try to look younger. Dress sexier, add some flare and party with key photographers.” She gave it her best shot, but it wasn’t her.
The disapproving attitude from the agency began to wear on her. Coupled with rude remarks from ad agents and photographers, her self-esteem tanked. Who wants to be told “Your hair doesn’t swing right, your nose is rounded, you have small teeth, you don’t have the look we want.”
Months later she was called into the office…again. The tension was thick, the knot in her stomach tight. The conversation started with “Have you gained weight?” “Your newer photos still look too mature.” Then the bombshell…“Your career will be short-lived so we are dropping you from the print department of the agency.” Dropped? She could hardly breathe. Ugly. Inadequate. Failure. The words rushed in and set these lies like cement in her heart.
Even in the short time she had been in New York, she landed a national commercial, been on several smaller magazine covers, and in some catalogs. Yet, it wasn’t enough to offset the hurtful, negative comments. Her sensitive nature soaked them in. She felt that almost everything about her was wrong—her face, her body, her personality…her!
Feeling so beaten down by the unrealistic standards of the modeling industry and her personal areas of compromise, Andrea believed God could no longer love her. “As a child I heard we got a black dot on our soul for each sin. I was convinced my soul was totally black and no longer fit for heaven.” Feeling unworthy to enter the church, she would sit on the steps near a side door, straining to hear the Sunday morning services.
It was this heartache and assault on Andrea’s self-esteem that God used to start a unique ministry called B.A.B.E.™ Several years ago, Andrea began to reach out to teen girls to help them see themselves as God sees them—beautiful, accepted, blessed, and eternally significant. She teaches them they are created on purpose and for a purpose. Andrea also ministers through writing, speaking, volunteering in a juvenile detention center and as a senior pastor’s wife. JBU recently had the opportunity to catch up with Andrea and chat about how she’s impacting women of all ages.
Improving Self-Esteem | Andrea Stephens
JBU:
Was the time in New York City your lowest point?
Andrea: No, even though I moved back to Oklahoma, I did not leave my problems in NY. I still didn’t know the truth about who God is or who I was in Christ. I felt I had out-sinned God’s love and had messed up too much for God to accept me. I didn’t understand grace or forgiveness, especially when I sinned knowing full well it was wrong.
Believing the dreadful lie that God had wiped His hands of me, I continued to mess up. After all, who cared? Truth is, I still cared and God cared. I spiraled down into a depression that morphed into self-hate. I was not equipped to handle what was happening to me.
In a weak moment, I accepted a dinner invitation from a wealthy, non-Christian businessman—never remembered driving home that night but the four shot glasses I found in my purse the next morning showed me why. I was so depressed I had drunk myself into oblivion which ended in stealing. I was disgusted with myself. I felt I could not take it anymore and tried to end my life. It didn’t work. Thank God!
Distraught from my life and my actions, I drove around Tulsa, crying. Where could I go to be alone and talk to God? The prayer room in the chapel at the University of Tulsa popped into my mind. I slid into a pew, dropped to my knees and sobbed. I told God that I could not do this “Christian thing”, that I was tired of letting Him down, that He should not waste His time on me anymore.
At that moment, a warm presence that is best described like a thick honey rolled down on me—from the top of my head to my feet. Instantly, the tears stopped, the headache was gone, the knot in my stomach disappeared. Total peace.
I was at the point of desperation and God met me there. I knew I was forgiven and that He did indeed love me. This gave me the strength I needed to not give up on myself or the Lord.
JBU:
How did God change your life’s direction?
Andrea: I heard about a one-year Bible training program and I knew it was for me. Exposed to the truth in God’s Word, the light came on and invaded my wrong way of thinking. Though I had been a believer since I was young, I had never been in a Bible study. Since my future was going to be about living God’s plans for me, knowing His Word was vital. Little by little I understood the fullness of the Gospel and all that Jesus had done for me. I purposed in my heart to be conformed to His image and spend my time serving the Father.
JBU:
What is your greatest concern about young girls today?
Andrea: They are so steeped in a sex-saturated culture that they no longer question if it is morally right to have sex before marriage, but when and with whom. It breaks my heart, and unfortunately breaks their hearts. They are getting used, abused; facing STDS, pregnancy, abortion, and false ideas of what love and relationship is all about. They need us to tell them what is true.
JBU:
With all the deceitful digitally-enhanced photos women see, how do you help them see how accurate and special God’s view is of them?
Andrea: After I establish the fact that only God’s opinion matters, I prove to them from Scripture that He planned for them, designed them and knit them together. He calls them fearfully and wonderfully made, a work of art, a one of a kind design, and is so excited about them that He rejoices over them with singing. Plus, the Lord values a beautiful heart—this is a beauty they can each develop. It is reflected in our attitudes, words, and actions. God is not concerned about our hips or our hairdos, but our hearts! Like the psalmist in 139:13-16, we can get to the point of praising and thanking God that He loves our unique beauty.
JBU:
What do you mean He “planned” for them?
Andrea: Jeremiah 1:5-6 speaks to the fact God knew Jeremiah and had a plan for his life before he was conceived—that means that Jeremiah was God’s idea. Some girls have been told they were a mistake, should have been aborted, or they were a surprise. That is not true in light of God’s Word. They may have be an unplanned by their parents, but God was overseeing their creation. To a girl who is struggling with insecurities and purpose, she is encouraged to hear she was not unplanned or unwanted by God.
JBU:
One of the “B’s” in the B.A.B.E. acronym is “blessed.” Define what this means to a woman of any age.
Andrea: Whether she feels blessed or not, Scripture shows she is. Each of us is blessed with natural gifts and talents that God wove into our DNA, but when we receive the Holy Spirit into our lives, we are also blessed with spiritual gifts. These are the areas God wants us to develop and use to serve Him. At the B.A.B.E. event, I give the girls a quiz to help them begin to identify their specific gifts and see just how special and unique they are.
JBU:
Explain “E” is for eternal significance.
Andrea: Why am I here? Does my life mean anything? How can I count in this world? These are questions teen girls and women in midlife are asking themselves. What a privilege to give them answers to these questions and set them in the right direction before they make choices they might regret. The girls can grasp the idea that God desires them to use their time and their lives for things that count in His Kingdom, things that matter to the Lord. I encourage women of any age to offer their lives to Him as a blank slate and let Him write directions and assignments on it: His agenda, not theirs.
JBU:
It is so easy to compare ourselves with other women. How do we keep from being envious of others?
Andrea: It takes a concentrated effort. Someone else’s looks, talents, or personality is not better or worse than ours—just different. When we start thinking we wish we had someone else’s thick hair or winsome ways or ability to be organized, that is the time to stop and thank God for giving those things to her. Then ask Him to bless her. This helps guard our heart from jealousy.
JBU:
Our culture is obsessed with weight. How do you address this with the girls?
Andrea: Psalm 139:15 says our frame, our body structure, was also designed by the Lord. He designed the way our bodies develop, meaning that when puberty hits, the body changes just the way God programmed it to—hips widen, we get ‘fleshier’—this does not mean we are getting fat. God designed the female body to prepare for motherhood (later in life after they are married!). Their value as God’s girls does not come from the size of their jeans or the number on the scale.
JBU:
With women?
Andrea: Since their body is the home of the Holy Spirit, I encourage them to treat it accordingly- eat healthy (50% of each meal should be fresh, raw food) and exercise 4-6 times per week for 30 minutes. Then, embrace it! Really. Being comfortable in her own skin will enable her to focus on more important things.
JBU:
Do most teen girls today struggle with feeling accepted?
Andrea: Just walk the halls of most schools and you will understand the inner fight girls have to feel good about themselves. Not only do they get bombarded and bullied at school, but also from places like the dance team, the cheer squad, their sports coaches, the youth group, and their parents. I don’t want to sound disrespectful to parents, but teasing comments or put downs cut the girls deeply. They may never say anything but the wound is there.
Girls compare themselves and are being compared constantly in our competitive society. They need to know that there is a safe person for them who fully accepts, approves, loves them and blesses them—Jesus! Teaching them to develop their relationship with Him and make Him their audience of One strengthens them. He will give them an “Atta girl”.
JBU:
What happens at The B.A.B.E. Event?
Andrea: It is a full day of fun! I use humor, visual aids, and video during the teaching sessions. Add drama, giant beach balls, awesome giveaways, pizza, fashions, and a concert for a day the girls won’t forget. Individual prayer and counseling is also available for those with issues that need to be addressed right away. Within the context of the message I also address purity, modesty, handling rejection, and discerning God’s direction—all in a way they can receive it.
JBU:
Do you have a B.A.B.E. version for women?
Andrea: Oh yes! Even as grown up girls, we still struggle with issues that make the message timeless. With all the pressure and responsibilities we have as women, we need to have a solid footing in order to be our best for our families and others whom God puts in our lives to love and serve. Besides, we can’t let the teens have all the fun!
JBU:
What do you want each one to take with them from these events?
Andrea: A fresh perspective on themselves, their future, their walk with the Lord, and a brand new sense of confidence, security, hope. If they are thinking “I’m stupid. I’m a nothing. No one cares about me. I’m fat and ugly,” I want them to leave with the right phrases running through their minds, “I am valuable. I am forgiven. I have one-of-a-kind beauty. I have a future and a hope, etc.” And, if they come to an event having never received Jesus, I want them to leave as a new sister (B.A.B.E.) in Christ. Over the years, hundreds have given their lives to the Lord. How awesome is that? I also want them to see how cool it is to be a girl who lives for Jesus and a woman who honors God with her life.
JBU:
Why is it important for women of all ages to understand they are beautifully created by God?
Andrea: Because it helps to keep them strong. In my own life, I have needed to be reminded what is true about me when unexpected difficulties threatened to knock me off my feet. Plus, seeing ourselves as God does sets us free to be exactly who He created us to be. No matter what season of life you are in or where God has placed you on earth, nothing compares to knowing you have the attention and affection of the Most High God. It allows each of us to shine for Him.
About the B.A.B.E. Message and Ministry
Teen girls are Andrea Stephen’s unreached people group. They are her mission, her passion—someone has to tell them! They are not yet equipped to handle the rotten stuff life throws them, resulting in things like anxiety, unmanaged anger, cutting, eating disorders, substance abuse, immodest dressing, sexual activity, hopelessness, and more. The B.A.B.E. message was developed to begin to remedy that.
As Andrea began to dig into God’s Word, the Holy Spirit healed her own shattered self-esteem, giving her a solid foundation, thus equipping her to fulfill His call on her life. She learned that:
- He created and designed her in a way that delighted Him. To Him, she was “B” beautiful.
- She didn’t have to look or act perfect for Him to love her. He “A” accepted her.
- He gave her gifts and talents to develop so she could use them to serve Him. She is “B” blessed.
- His plan for her is all about making a difference for His Kingdom. She is “E” eternally significant.
From God’s perfect perspective, Andrea was a B.A.B.E—not a sexy, flirty, chick in a short skirt and a low-cut top who wanted all the guys to like her—but a real B.A.B.E.: Beautiful, Accepted, Blessed, Eternally Significant.™
The experiences Andrea went through created a determined passion within her to tell other young women the truth about who they are in Christ, the forgiveness freely offered by Jesus, the unbreakable love of God, the value they have as His child, and the peace in knowing He has a plan for their lives.
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