After my battle against stage 3 breast cancer in 2010, I was declared cancer-free five years later, but now it’s back. The same cancer - this time, more aggressive and faster-growing. We discovered it by accident when my doctors ordered a scan to explore my back pain. No one was more surprised than my husband Ken and me when the scan showed a tumor on my chest wall. I went through immediate surgery, started drug therapy, and just completed a rigorous regimen of radiation. Finally, I am able to catch my breath…and I'm tired.
But so happy. From the beginning, I held fast to Psalm 112:1, 6-8, : “How joyful are those who fear the Lord…Such people will not be overcome by evil…They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly.”
I feel like a “scarred veteran, a believer who has visited the extremes,” as Eugene Peterson described the apostle Paul. Normally, I would not put myself in the same class as an apostle, but I do know something about scars and visiting the extremes of chronic pain and aging through 52 years of quadriplegia. “Paul knows that what God has done within him is far more important and lasting and real than anything that could be done to him,” Peterson goes on to say. I agree. What God is doing within my heart, and my husband Ken’s, is far more important and lasting than anything that could be done to us. This entire battle, this whole journey, is all about bringing glory to God.
I know I’m glorifying God because He is changing me. I’m not the same Joni, as I was before this new cancer. I know, I feel, I sense I am becoming more like Jesus. Cancer is not dictating who I am; it’s merely refining who I am. Nothing is more invigorating than knowing that God commandeered this battle so I might demonstrate my loyalty to Him—all for the benefit of those watching and to the glory of God.
Some Christian friends don’t see it that way. Cancer, on top of pain and decades of quadriplegia? To them, it seems as though God is doing me more harm than good. I agree there are countless references in Scripture telling us that God will only do us good, and no harm—such as Jeremiah 32:41 and Psalm 84:11. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you…plans not to harm you, but to help you; to give you hope and a future.” These friends wonder, Doesn’t God see how cancer is harming your already weak body and fragile lungs?
Yes, cancer is the dark, driving rain of God's sovereignty. There are many things about it that harm the body, but the sunshine of God’s sovereignty warms the soul, cultivating depth of faith. A strong and seasoned wisdom, the proving of one’s testimony, profound peace, rock-solid convictions, and iron-fisted trust come from walking through that valley of the shadow of death. This is the “good” God is talking about in those Bible verses. He knows that with His grace, awful things ultimately produce good in one's soul. God is always interested in the well-being of the soul, more than He is the body.
This cancer is doing good for the souls of others, too. I'm looking at this battle through the lens of Genesis 50:20 when Joseph said to his wicked brothers, “You meant it for evil, but God intended it for good for the saving of many lives.” I like that—our suffering can be a platform for the saving of many lives. Our oncologists, their nurses, lab technicians, or other professionals we see at the clinic. May they all come to Christ as Ken and I share our stories!
Cancer may be bad news, but it need not be feared. If this cancer is to change me, glorify Him, and bring others to His side, then I can welcome it as a friend. Join me in embracing the purposes God has for you in your affliction!
