There is no denying that social media has revolutionized the way we communicate with one another. As with many things in our culture, you can build a solid argument for both the good and the bad. Sometimes trends on social media start off with good intentions, but end up hurting more than they do helping.
I have noticed this happening with the concept of writing an “open letter” and putting it on the internet for an exponential number of followers to see. You can find open letters on a wide variety of topics written to anyone ranging from an “ex-boss” to “cancer” to “Monday.”
When these open letters began surfacing on my social media feeds, the ones that addressed how to talk to people with disabilities immediately caught my attention. Living with a physical disability most my life has made me an easy target for many well-meaning but ill-aimed suggestions, comments, and questions. There’s no doubt that my feelings have been deeply hurt from some of these.
As I would read these letters, I would often feel a sense of validation and relief that people could finally have insight into my daily experiences of looking and functioning differently than everyone else.
I also found that some of these open letters gave me valuable insights into how to relate and talk to my hurting friends; those who had lost a child or are living with the shadow where a spouse once existed.
However, I soon realized that each of these open letters had been written based on the opinion and experience of the writer. While well-intentioned, the authors of these letters are (like all of us) imperfect people.
After a while, what I had originally found as helpful and encouraging started making me fearful to say anything to anyone. I would second-guess what I thought I should say and eventually the mental exhaustion from going round-and-round would result in me avoiding the person and saying nothing at all. I was basing my responses solely off of people’s feelings. I felt frozen instead of informed.
That caused me to wonder if people ever felt scared of saying the wrong thing to me? Could my desire to be understood be overpowering my ability to be gracious?
Thankfully, there is one open letter that is not based on opinion and will never leave you second guessing what you should say to someone who is hurting or in response to someone who has hurt you: the Bible. It’s God’s open letter to us and it’s filled with wisdom and advice on how to use our words.
- Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”
- Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
- Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
- Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
I’m challenging myself to allow these communication tips that come from God’s Word guide my responses when people talk to me about my pain. I need to remember that showing them God’s love is more important than protecting my feelings (Col. 4:6 and Prov. 15:1). And when I feel flustered about what to say to a friend who is hurting, I’ll remember the guidelines I’ve been given in Ephesians 4:29 and Proverbs 16:24.
Feelings and opinions easily change, but the truth of God’s Word will never fail to provide comfort to the hurting and grace to the misinformed.
