"Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." (1 John 3:18)
We have a goal to visit the countries that represent the 12 languages our book, Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, has been translated to. Because we cross cultures, translators often accompany us. They take what we are saying and reword our thoughts and intentions, so that a clear message is communicated. Often they do not translate word for word, but instead adapt to carry the main concept, so the listener gains the heart of the intent.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could each have a marital translator? Someone who steps in when we are misunderstanding each other? Good news! The Holy Spirit can be that translator. No one knows your mate like God, so the whisper of the Spirit can help you look past the misstatement or the poorly worded sentence into the heart of intent of your husband.
Love gives the benefit of the doubt. The apostle Paul puts it this way in Phil. 1:7: “It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart.” “In my heart,” means you carry the person inside in a way that is open-minded. When the apostle Paul wrote this, he was complimenting his friends. “It did not matter whether Paul was under arrest…or free; his friends at Philippi shared with him in what God was doing through him… Paul praised them for their concern…
That is a good place to be in a marriage:
- Concerned for the other
- Carrying the other
- Complimenting the other
When you carry each other in your hearts, you assume the best about your husband and his words. When you quit carrying him “in your heart,” it becomes all about behavior. The problem with a behavior-based relationship is that no one can behave well enough for long enough to keep a relationship going.
It is much better to carry your husband in your heart, giving him the benefit of the doubt, believing he too wants the best for your love.
Next time your feelings are hurt over specific words, go a little deeper and do these simple steps to help love L.A.S.T.:
1. Look to the heart of your spouse
What does he have on his heart concerning you? Have you prayed and asked God for insight? You cannot judge motives, so have you calmly asked your husband to reword his comment? He might do better with a second opportunity to reveal intentions and meaning.
2. Assume he or she is concerned for your best interest
Have you stopped to look beyond the fumbled words or upset attitude to see if your husband was attempting to be kind, generous, willing, or cooperative? Have you looked at the situation assuming he meant the best for you and your relationship? Have you asked God to help you see your relationship from a more heaven-sent viewpoint?
3. Speak assuring words
Have you tried a gentle answer? Have you tried speaking something peaceful or calming like, “I know we will get through this together?” Have you prayed and asked God to help you be creative in your conversation?
4. Thank him for having a history of loving you
Have you asked God to help you remember the moments he has tried his best to love you? Speak words of gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation.
If you want a long-lasting love, carry your husband in your heart—and assume the best about him, your marriage, and your future.
