It seems like everywhere we travel all over the globe, marriages have some of the same issues. For example, one topic we teach universally is: “The thing you first fell in love with can become the biggest source of irritation!” It is like they’re are two sides of the same coin. You need a way to turn the coin over and remember, “Oh yeah, that’s why I love that man!”
My husband, Bill, loves his coffee. But, he also has a habit that can be very annoying—his aversion to put the coffee mugs into the dishwasher. I find coffee mugs in every place imaginable: in the garage, in the car, in the closet, on the sidewalk, on the deck and patio, in the office, on the stairwell, in the bathroom…you name it, and I have likely found a coffee mug there. It’s a good thing we love collecting mugs from all of the places we’ve been. We need every one of them!
How did I handle the mug issue? I am not really a coffee drinker so that was a challenge. For the most part, coffee makes my heart race, and I prefer that only Bill makes my heart skip a beat! Bill says that I am naturally caffeinated by God, and it takes Bill drinking three cups of coffee just to keep up with my energy. Believe me, he needs his cup of java!
Here are some ways to help you love and live with with your guy—even with his idiosyncrasies that drive you nuts!
Appreciate the Differences.
Coffee is a part of what makes Bill…well…Bill! One day, as we were preparing to move homes, I was doing the “last load of dishes,” and I realized it was composed of all coffee mugs—47 of them to be exact! I was fuming mad and thought, “Dear Jesus, how can such a great, godly, seemingly very capable man, NOT get his coffee mug to the sink?” I knew the dirty mugs issue was an underlying negative resentment, and I wanted it gone from our relationship. My nagging seemed to make very little difference in Bill’s progress in getting them to the sink, so I prayed, knowing the change might have to come from my side of the equation. And God answered by whispering a question to my heart, “Why does Bill like his coffee so much?”
"Bill is a hard-working man, Lord. He needs some caffeine,” I answered in my mind. Then God whispered back, “And isn’t it a privilege to be married to a hard-working man?” I knew the answer from me was a resounding and emphatic, “Yes!”
I decided to pray for Bill every time I saw one of his empty displaced mugs. Then, I extended the blessing prayer still further and began to pray blessing over him, whenever I saw anyone with a coffee mug!
In my coffee mug prayer, I was seeking to apply the principle, “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8). (No, coffee is not a sin, but Bill’s lack of effort to get it to the sink could be seen as a character flaw, at least it felt like one to me). But, I have now spent years embracing the ever-reappearing dirty coffee mug with fond affection, because it reminds me of my hard- working man who requires caffeine to do all the wonderful acts of service that benefit so many—including me.
Celebrate the Differences.
For Bill’s 50th birthday, we celebrated by taking him to a coffee farm and having him select and roast his own brand of coffee. It took one afternoon to visit, select the beans, roast it to perfection, and design the label. I knew I had a winning date, as he sat and lingered a moment to savor the aroma of his Farrel Family blend of Mountain Thunder Vienna roast. He took a sip, and I watched a big grin appear on his well-caffeinated soul—and it brought me joy!
Integrate the Differences.
I take note of when Bill’s Farrel Family roast runs low, as I know that a mug of his favorite blend will endear his heart to mine—just like that empty dirty mug does when I discover it in the next unusual place.
Praying for Bill when I see a coffee mug has become my life rhythm. Today, take that thing that is driving you crazy about your man and make it a prayer, a celebration, or a date to WOW him!
