“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
It is ironic that in our age of mega-connection, many are feeling lonely and disconnected. Even though technology promises us we never have to be alone, the reality is a screen can’t offer us much encouragement and hope. You and I need to make relationships a priority. I know we are all so busy but we need to take the time to invest in our relationships. Many women may have 1000 Facebook friends but no face-to-face relationships. My mentor brought this truth home to me one day. She said, “Sylvia it doesn’t matter how many friends you have on social media. I want to know how many three-in-the-morning friends you have.” If we are honest today, many of our relationships are a mile wide and an inch deep, and we have to be intentional to connect deeply in this shallow digital world.
I want you to think about who you are doing life with. How many 3:00 a.m. friends do you have? The kind of friends that you could call in the middle of the night and you know they would be there for you. Are you that kind of friend to anyone? Social media and texting is a great way to exchange information, but it can’t take the place of a face-to-face heart conversation. I recently moved to a new town and I share with you that it has been difficult to find a few deep connections, but after a few years I can say I have a few women in my life that I have been able to connect with deeply. We call ourselves the “Lake Sisters” and we meet once a month in one of our homes to catch up with a cup of coffee and share what is on our hearts. Not everyone wants to go deep, but if you are desiring deeper connections, I encourage you to pray for God to bring you a few women who you can connect with on a deep level.
3 Ways to Cultivate Deeper Connections
1. Be Honest
A friendship will flourish on honesty. Don’t try to be someone else. Show your friend who you are, be honest, and set appropriate boundaries in the relationship. If your friend can count on you to be the one person in their life that will gently tell them the truth, they will appreciate you all the more.
2. Be a Good Listener
Most people in our culture are not listening well. Try to listen to understand before trying to be understood. Make sure your time spent is equitable and each of you get to share. Most of us listen to respond, not to understand where the other person is coming from. Don’t be afraid of picking up the phone and calling your friend. It’s hard to have a close relationship if you can’t hear each other’s voices.
3. Be Available
If you want a 3:00 a.m. friend, you have to be that friend to someone else. I try to schedule ongoing lunches and coffees with a friend. If I get it on my calendar, I know I will do it. Make the relationship a high priority and remember that deeper relationships take more time and effort to maintain.
There is value in deep friendships. Two are really better than one. We are better together. The support of others can ease devastation or disappointment. Deep connection with other women requires us to be vulnerable, honest, and transparent, but the benefits of doing life together are worth it. My prayer is that you never have to face your fiercest battles alone.
